Have you ever had a project not work out the way you expected it to, and that threw you for a loop?
Beating yourself up over a failed business or relationship?
Annoyed that you have to start at square one, AGAIN?
Periodically life lets us down or we ourselves drop the ball; we all know that disappointment is just a part of life.
But sometimes when this happens, we can get caught in a toxic never-ending cycle of self-loathing and self-punishment.
Watch the above 10-minute video to begin breaking out of this toxic cycle of self-sabotage!
"What do I need to know right now? What am I supposed to learn in this moment?"
Have you ever had a project not work out the way you expect it to?
Maybe the business failed, the relationship failed. Or you asked someone to do something, where you delegated something to another person and it didn't work out, and they didn't do it the way that you wanted it to be done.
You put so much work and effort into this project or paper or exam, and it comes back or goes through and you see that it nope, totally doesn't look like what you were hoping the outcome to be at all.
You sent out your college essay and nope, you got a rejection. Working out, eating clean, as best as you can, get on the scale, nope! No weight lost.
Disappointment, oh yeah. Failure... delicious! Lol!
If you're feeling, "I'm struggling with that right now, Victoria" this is not to make fun of you. I'm laughing because I'm in the mud with you, feeling you strongly so my heart is so open to you right now.
We're going to dive right into this, and laugh our way through the crap of life, together. 🙂
Source says that we have a tendency to ruminate and really draw out the failure event with our guilt and disappointment, chewing on it like a cow chewing on cud.
Cud is the stuff that comes out of all of her stomachs--what is it like 8 of them or something like that?
She chews so that she can continue the experience of getting through all of the nutrients in that grass for hours and hours and hours on end.
You don't need to be in that slow, drawn-out process, is what the Spirit is saying.
It's one way to approach failure and disappointment: to draw it out and say "This is exactly why I suck."
Or waxing poetic: "How many ways can I be horrible? Let me count the ways," or "Let's get creative! How can I express how much failure I am in 60 seconds? Go!"
My love, let me count the ways. No Shakespeare, stop it! Just stop. STOP!
The way that we want to deal with disappointment is to embrace her.
Failure must be embraced. To cast her away or pull her out and torture yourself is to drag yourself thought the mud excessively.
It's when we go into that process of self-deprecating behavior and masochism, the "I'm guilty, I feel so bad. Oh my god you washed the dishes for me, I feel so bad, I'm a failure at being helpful..." etc.
Interesting, one of the Spirits just said "be kind to yourself, if that's what you're going through." Again, this is not to make fun of you, but to help you see yourself.
Know this: Guilt and negative self-talk are low-vibrational forms of centering meditation. Be kind to yourself; there are better ways.
The energy says that whenever we experience failure or that strong sensation of being out of alignment, we come out of our bodies.
This happens because all of the energy that we have put out into that project or relationship, or into whatever, didn't work out. We funneled ourselves into that identity that we formed, we put so much of our energy into that and when it doesn't go through, we find ourselves outside of our bodies and our truth.
Guilt, disappointment and all of that negative rumination is a mistaken and low vibrational way of centering: you're coming back to a sense of self through masochism.
We see that you're trying to come back to center and recreate your identity after failure through guilt, like "Oh I know who I am because of what I am not." Ok.
That's a fallacy though, because that's going to take you farther away from who you really are as a divine being; this is what I'm seeing in the energy right now.
Be kind to yourself if that's where you're at.
You're just mistaken.
You see, in the moment that you are trying to re-center and find your authentic energy, you're striving to get to the point where you're thinking positively: "Okay, this is me, this is me. Phew! I'm all solid again, I'm not pushed out into all of this stuff around me that's failing and being disappointing. That person didn't do it the way I would. That doesn't mean I'm horrible." Or, "That relationship didn't work out, but that doesn't mean I'm a failure."
You're identity, Source says, is spread out too thin so that act of guilt and the act of drawn out disappointment and holding onto that sense of self-unforgiveness (which is guilt and dragging ourselves through the mud and resentment) is just an inverse way of trying to re-center.
We tell you this for a reason: See the light, even in the darkness.
The way that we best deal with disappointment is for searching for The Dark Gift in it.
I don't mean dark gift, like Dracula spookypants boogadeyboo, etc dark gift, lol.
What I mean by dark gift is gifts that we find in our shadow, gifts that the spirit sends through experiences.
And by the way, the spirit is constantly sending gifts, infinite amount of gifts you are receiving now.
Not in the past, you got them. Not in the future, that didn't happen. Now.
There is an infinite amount of gifts that are present to you and latent in the dark side of what's happening, like disappointments.
Those gifts in the darkness or in uncertainty or in your shadow are what we mean by dark -- not like boogedy evil, we don't mean that.
Dark Gifts are learning gifts.
They're there to help you embrace the disappointment, embrace the distraction, embrace the failure. You embrace by saying "I screwed up and I GET to LEARN from it."
One of my students awakened me to a wonderful quote years ago.
A quote by John C. Maxwell, "We always fail forward. Why? Because you tried."
Failing forward is the ability to get back up after you've been knocked down and to learn from your mistakes.
It really embodies this concept of embracing the dark gifts that disappointment is trying to send us.
In the previous video we talked about acceptance and how that can kind of be lubricant to life if you're feeling blocked or static.
Being in a state of Acceptance can help you figure out where's the stepping stone for you to take in this experience you're having now.
That absolutely applies here because in our disappointments, when things don't work out, there's always a way to look back at the process and see how could that have gone better and if it couldn't have gone better, reflect on "What do I need to know right now? What am I supposed to learn in this moment?"
Check back next week for part 2 of this love letter!
In Love and Light,
Just for Today...
Pay attention to how you talk about and describe yourself today, listening for negative and guilt-laden language that's focused on past failures, shortcomings and disappointments.
When you catch yourself doing this, finish the following sentence to yourself: "I accept that I can't change what happened and I know I can only change myself and how I feel; so what I am learning right now is..."
Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!
SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!