Love Letters | Giving Yourself the Silent Treatment

Too scared to say what you mean to say?

Feeling like you can't speak up about what's really weighing on your heart?

Do you keep your mouth shut because you're afraid that you'll be rejected or "look stupid" if you say what you think?

Deep down we all know that things left unsaid can slowly eat away at us. But still, we don't say anything in an effort to "keep the peace."

Are we really keeping the peace though if it's at the expense of our health? Because inner turmoil and repressed feelings certainly aren't healthy!

Watch the above video to learn how to break the silence and speak up for yourself with love and healing!

"Rock the boat! Don't rock the boat, baby. Rock the boat! Don't tip the boat over."

This week’s topic is about giving yourself the silent treatment.

Why do we do that to ourselves? What does that mean?

When we're giving our-self the silent treatment, it means we are blocking out whatever we really want to say.

Perhaps there's a situation that's come up at work or at home with a loved one or your kids or friends that you've been interacting with. You feel like you just can't talk about it or you can't speak up.

You feel like you’re out of bounds, telling yourself “well, if I say that they're going to reject me” or “they're going to criticize me,” or “they're going to get emotional and I don't want to have to deal with all that.”

Think about the situation now, as you read this. Do you feel like you can't speak up about what's really on your heart? Like you can't clear the air there?

Also, perhaps you may feel like if you do say something you're going to be singled out. And that’s the last thing you want is to be singled out as the “troublemaker” who rocked the boat or even tipped it over, right?

We tell ourselves a million and one reasons why we should give ourselves the silent treatment and we cut off expression because we believe it’s for our own good.

"It’s safer to just blend into the wallpaper." "I don't want anybody to feel like I'm making waves or that I'm getting too full of myself."

You know, in Australia my Australian friends have a name for this phenomena of giving yourself the silent treatment: it’s called the “tall poppy syndrome.”

In a beautiful field of poppies, if one grows taller, the gardener chops off her bloom because she stands out. So that means you shouldn't stand out too much, and anyone who does should be chopped down to size, to preserve status quo.

Know This: You may think you're "keeping the peace," but choosing not to speak your truth is actually a choice to do more harm than good to yourself and everyone involved. #speakup #clarity

Although "tall poppy syndrome" is meant to protect the status quo, it's actually harmful, because it's based in fear. It is really just the fear of being seen and heard.

Whenever we actively engage in or operate from fear, this is energetically -- spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc. -- harmful. Yes, it actively does harm.

But, wait! There's more!

Giving yourself the silent treatment is not only the fear of being seen. On the flip side, it’s also the fear of being hurt.

Spirit says that we give ourselves the silent treatment to avoid feeling hurt, and that one way this manifests is always apologizing or back-pedaling for something that we did or said.

At the drop of a hat, we think to ourselves, “oh crap, that fell out of my mouth toward you so let me just try and do damage control.”

And so, as if you have a nervous tick, you immediately say “I didn't really mean that” or are just always saying “I'm sorry, I’m sorry” and apologizing for yourself.

Even if you didn't do anything you want to be the first one to say I'm sorry so that you can shut it down. Shut all of the energy down. Control, control, control.

So it all boils down to this: the real reason why give ourselves the silent treatment is to control our energy. But we are doing this in a dark way; it is not The Master Path for controlling our energy.

When you shut down your expression in the energy the angels are saying that it's like being at the ocean and trying to dam up the entire ocean, along the entire beach.

Can you imagine a dam running all the way down the Jersey Shore, just the entire of the state, just trying to keep it at bay and not let it ebb and flow as she needs to do?

Rather than honoring her power and natural beauty, you intuitively know that the dam is trying to control her so only a certain amount of ocean can be present at the beach. The one that comes out of this teeny little tap right here. Ha!

With this image, the angels are saying you’re making your power – which is like the ocean and infinite – very, very small.  

Painfully small.

Harmfully small.

Unnaturally small.

We need to learn how to respect and honor whatever is coming through us; to respect and honor our power and our energy.

If we don't, then there are repercussions.

The same way that the ocean doesn't just disappear if you try to dam her up, is the same way that your energy doesn't just disappear if you clam yourself up -- it reroutes.

Oftentimes when we tend to shut down our own expression it manifests physically with disease and discomfort.

So, for example, do you have chronic neck and shoulder pain? Tightness of the jaw? Do you grind your teeth?

Or when you're stressed out, you crunch it together or do you tend to often want to chew on things? Like chewing on straws, pens and pencils or are you addicted to chewing gum?

Oral fixations and addictions are signs of underlying spiritual issues that have to do with expression being stifled.

If you’re addicted to smoking or drinking, don’t be judgmental, instead just notice yourself from a spiritual and energetic perspective.

Take notice of all of these physical manifestations in and around the throat, such as chronic ear infections, catching a cold every winter or even in the summer, etc. as not random events.

Put them in a spiritual context as guidance and warning signs from Spirit that something you are doing is out of alignment with Source.

And what is out of alignment is your relationship with expression: you’re afraid of your truth and allowing it to flow through you.

We're afraid to really put it out there, really allow truth -- which is Source energy -- to move through us. It's raw, it is beautiful. It's always healing, even if it is painful.

But how the heck do we start to turn this situation around then? Are there any techniques and strategies to stop giving yourself the silent treatment? YES!

You’ll have to watch the rest of this week’s video strategy to find out the exactly how!


In Love and Light,


Just for Today...

Call yourself out when you're clamming up or too afraid to speak up, by announcing it out loud. Yes, really! You can just announce that you're scared.

When you feel yourself shutting down, holding or pulling back, you can literally say "I have something to say but I'm afraid to speak up right now." 

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want to learn how to speak up but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give me a call at +1 (732) 903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!


    1. Hi Laura!

      So glad to hear that you resonate with the message. I’m normally guided to channel a brand new retreat each month, so I am not sure if or when I will repeat this one.

      So you have two options:
      1) email me at so I can add you to the Interest List for the future
      2) or gather a group of 10, and I can do this retreat for you all here at The Dojo or you can host me and this retreat at your home or organization.

      Big hugs and sending you love,
      Sensei Victoria Whitfield

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