Are you, or is someone you know, a workaholic?

Worried that if you say "no" when people who ask for help, that you'll be mean or they won't like you?

Drowning in projects and things to manage, at work AND at home?

It's easier to just give in and say "yes" and be seen as helpful, than to stand your ground and say "no" and be seen as possibly selfish.

But when we do that, we add another project on to our already overwhelmed plate of "helpfulness" - perhaps this is more than just being helpful, perhaps it's now an addiction.

Watch this week's 15-minute love letter for the fifth and final installment in our 5-week deep dive on self care versus self sabotage to send healing to our relationship with (personal and professional) help-a-holism.

"I never feel like I'm doing enough."

We've been on a five-week-long deep dive into the dance that we empaths do between self-care and self-sabotage. All the different ways that we stand in the way of shining our light to our fullest potential. I'm really grateful. I just want to thank you for tuning in for week five.

I want to thank you for all your support over the years, of the love letters, my gosh. What? We're going on four or five years straight of love letters. I just want to thank you for your continued support.

This week in particular, we're going to focus on self-sabotage around workaholism and help-a-holism, fix-a-holism. Helping, and fixing, and putting out all the fires, and working all the limbs all day. Those of us who are highly sensitive individuals who are naturally empathic, who are naturally intuitive. Last week we discovered your call to be a healer, your call to healing leadership. You're sensitive for that reason.

But this week is the dark side of that, where you can be so driven to help, and to fix, and to take care give, and to take responsibility; but you lose yourself. Not only lose yourself, you may even hurt yourself.  Be kind yourself, if this is you. This last one, baby, is for you. This is our swan song, yes?

Workaholism, guides say that the soul craving behind that, or that the hidden feeling driver behind helping everybody, and fixing everything, and working constantly. The addiction to work, and projecting.

Not just projecting stuff, we're projecting people, like in your relationships, yes, yes? Maybe this isn't you, maybe we're talking about somebody else. We can pretend.

But, maybe let that obsession with being everybody's caregiver, taking care of everybody and everything. What's the hidden driver behind that?

And the guides say that it is the feeling of, "I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I am good when I am doing. I am only good when I am doing."

Doing good, doing stuff for other people, pleasing others, when I'm gaining approval. Yes, yes? When I'm gaining recognition, I am worthy based on my output ... which is faulty.

Yes, it is good to do good things and to help others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be helping other people, and that you should be like, "All right, screw you all, I'm going home." Right? Pulling a Cartman. No, that's not what we're talking about here.

As much as that sounds fabulous to one of you ... I just heard someone in the energies saying, "I want to tell everyone, 'Go away.'" If that's you ... Bear with me, we're going to make it through this.

But, what's also coming up behind that, as your working, working, working and saying yes to everything; the flipside is the fear of saying, "no." Our lack of boundaries is fueling this relentless need for approval and affirmation. In the workplace, or in the eyes of someone that you helped, or getting to see their transformation so you feel worthy, because they had an outcome or you had an impact on them.

What happens, however, when there's nothing to do, no one to save, nothing to fix? The big question is, are you still worthy? Are you still lovable? Are you still acceptable? Are you still good? Are you still okay, as a person if you don't have something to do, something to do, something to do? This is a big one. When we have this addiction, this also expresses as a lack of boundaries.

What are boundaries? This is the million-dollar word for every single empath like, ever: boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines that separate what is you and what is not you; what is yours and what is not yours.

Now, from a spiritual perspective, yes, there is the universal law of oneness, which says, "All that is, is one." But that doesn't mean you have to do everything all the time, or that everything that's yours belongs to everybody else, or that you don't have any selfness. You don't have a worth because you don't have a self.

No. That's not what that is saying. Instead, that's just to appreciate the interconnectedness and interdependence of all of life, and all that is. However, we're talking about this turning into co dependence. Codependency is when you depend on someone or something outside of you for a sense of emotional security, to give you your emotional security, or even your identity. You're depending on them.

Click to share the Tweet of the Week:

Know this: Codependents need to DO stuff to feel worthy. Who are you without your projects?

Are you loving The Love Letters? If so, please support our healing work with a love donation:

--

Workaholism, for example, my dad was a lawyer, I'm a lawyer, my kids are going to be a lawyer. If I ever lose this job, I don't know what I'm gonna do; where your job defines your personality. That's a codependent relationship. That means that you are at risk of losing yourself if that thing shifts at all. You've given all your power over to the thing that you are dependent upon.

Be kind to yourself if this is speaking to you. I don't know who this message is for, but I'm sharing it anyway, following spirit's guidance. With that, also, where we have the sense of addiction to getting things done and putting out fires, putting out fires putting out fires. Whenever we put out a fire, we get that little bit of, "Yay, I did it." And that, "Yay," is what we're addicted to, of winning and the feedback loop of, "I'm putting out and I'm receiving, putting out and I'm receiving."

That's why so many men end up becoming not present at home, because the job is what gives them recognition and affirmation constantly, and you come home to a wife that is just not paying attention, and not able to give you that feedback. It is, unfortunately, natural to become addicted more to work, where you're recognized, and you feel like you have an impact in the relationship more with your job than your own partner. Scary.

That happens to women, too, I'm not just talking about men, okay. I hear my guide saying, "This happens to the ladies, too," where work or the kids become more important than their partner, because there's something to work on. There's always something. The mom-ness becomes the identity rather than yourself being your identity, becoming codependent to the children.

Be kind to yourself if this is you. Now, this week in particular, the guides are saying, "How do we get out of this?" This addiction to working and losing ourself without our boundaries. Well, is to have values. This week in particular, you want to focus on writing out a list of what your core, desired feelings and your most prioritized values are in life. Allow your schedule to be according to what you prioritize most, what you value the most.

First things first, as they say. I believe that's in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Put first things first. Is family really important to you? If so, where is family in your schedule? This week, we want to put, "What are your core desired feelings?" I want to feel free, I want to feel abundant, I want to feel loved, I want to feel sensual. Where are those feelings in how you spend your time each day? Rather than letting the thing that you are co dependently addicted to, such as the work or the caregiving, et cetera rather than letting only that determine how you spend your time.

This is going to shift your relationship with your workaholism. Your addiction is going shift. If you can just get clear on, "What are your core, desired feelings, and what are your most prioritized values?"

We forget, we're in that tunnel of, "I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff. I'm so productive, I'm so busy. I'm doing all this busy stuff." There's a difference between being busy and actually being in business. There's a difference between being busy and actually being focused.

This, our core, desired feelings and our most prioritized values are what are going to help us clarify that. To end, Doreen Virtue, Angel Therapy; yet another one of our Doreen Virtue decks. Angels, what we need to know this week? To round off our five-week deep dive into the dance between self sabotage and self care. "Listen to your intuitive feelings."

Listen to your intuitive feelings. Your body is receiving accurate messages from the divine. This is perfect, given what we're talking about.

One of the main reasons why we can get stuck in, or create stuck-ness in a codependent, workaholic, fixaholic relationship is because we'll drown out the sensations of our body. We're not in touch. We're not in touch with ... "Oh, my neck is starting to hurt because it's 10:00 PM and I'm still at work."

We'll just keep going, going, going. Or, you know what? I actually ... I'm not really hungry for that extra candy bar, as we talked ... The second week was food. I'm not actually hungry for that chocolate candy bar. Actually, I'm craving love and affection.

Instead of shoving a chocolate candy bar down my throat so I can stay working at the computer all the livelong day, instead I'm going to reach out to receive some physical touch, or love and affection from a loved one. Listen to your feelings.

Your sensitivity is your strength here, and it's the gateway to your next level in life. Send me an email back, comment below. Let me know what's coming up for you around this, and how has this series been for you?

Are you liking the multi-week deep dives? Let me know, let me know.

Source has been telling me that you and I have got to develop a deeper relationship, and go deeper into the information, rather than just doing one idea a week. Nah, let's go there. Let's go there together, okay?

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters every week, and I'll see you next time. Muah, bye

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Put first things, first.

Write a list of your core values and core desired feelings, and see if you're spending your time each day accordingly.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

-

Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business.

Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen.

Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...

The post Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage – Part 5 of 5 appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Find yourself or others saying you're too busy lately?

Wondering why there's never enough hours in the day?

Wish you had more time but don't know how to get it?

The guides have a bit of tough love for you this week around stopping being "too busy."

And it actually doesn't have to do with how many things are on your To-Do List.

Watch this week's 11-minute love letter video to discover what being "too busy" actually means!

"I'm working twice as hard as anyone else I know."

This week in particular my guides have been sharing with me a little bit of an uncomfortable message to hear as well as to relay, so get ready.

You are not too busy, you're actually lazy.

Oh man, so this is a bit of a tough love message and I know this is the last thing that if you are super in it, super crazy busy, the last thing that you want to hear is, "What, I'm lazy? I'm working twice as hard as anybody else in my sphere. My family, my clients, my coworkers, all depend on me. My classmates, etc. My siblings, my parents."

This is where being the messenger gets a bit sticky so if this bothers you, I'm not going to apologize. I'm actually just going to acknowledge you might be bothered and actually that's a a good thing. This is what the guides tell me.

It's important for you to feel a bit agitated with being busy rather than, "Oh, this is just how it is," because that's actually not healthy.

When we find ourselves telling others, "Oh, I'm too busy to do that" or find ourselves hearing our loved ones or people within our sphere saying, "Oh you've been really busy lately or you're too busy or you might be getting a little bit too busy," this is what that actually means about you.

One, and this is according to the guides, it's a symptom of having poor boundaries, poor personal boundaries where you've over committed, over scheduled, and therefore overwhelmed yourself by saying yes to more projects than should be on your plate or more than are humanly possible, right?

And not said no or said no to things that could have really, so not said no to things that could hurt you and said no to things that could help you.

It's interesting channeling about this because total transparency, this is sometimes busyness and dancing with busyness versus business is a dance that I am personally going through right now.

It's not that I've mastered this. I'm just here to channel to you what my guides have been ministering to me about so that we all can walk our paths, our healing paths together. My journey is mine, yours is yours and we're all on healing journeys so let's share this wisdom.

Know this: Saying you're "too busy" actually says you're too lazy to work smarter rather than harder.

So there are things that could have helped you that you said no to such as maybe an intern or someone offering to help or seeing a help wanted ad or hearing a friend say, "You know, I really would like to get into this industry but I just don't have enough experience. I think I might intern somewhere." The family up the street says, "My teen doesn't really haven't enough to do. We're thinking of having her babysitting more."

There's opportunities to receive support and those are just a few examples that when someone says, "Oh, can I carry your bag for you, miss?" or "Hey, bro, is it all right if I hold the door open for you?" "No, no, no, I got it."

Saying no when you actually could have received help is a sign of poor boundaries actually, and then saying yes to something that shouldn't even have been on your plate in the first time because you want to impress everybody and seem like you got it together, taking care of business.

Then you're just overwhelming yourself and setting a standard of expectation that this person is over the top in their ability to make things happen so let's depend on this person, you, being over the top all the time. No bueno, not good.

Be kind to yourself.

This week in particular the guides say you gotta stop that. Also saying or hearing this too busy paradigm is a sign of poor time management skills where your concept of time is completely off.

Now blessed be, one of the spiritual symptoms of a crown chakra awakening is actually no concept of time because in spiritual truth there's no such thing as time. However here in 3D reality meaning the physical mundane realm, we all abide by this weird man-made concept such as time.

So to be kind to yourself noticing that as we shape and move this idea of time, it's a limited resource that we're working with, and having strong time management skills allows you to be a normal, relaxed, flowing open human being.

Then lastly, this too busy paradigm also has to do with being too distracted by the details and shoving all of your energy into the details work to be open enough and receptive enough to effectively utilize all the resources that are around you. There's a certain level of support you require in order to live the life you desire.

Affirmation: I am open to receiving the level of support I require in order to live and enjoy the life I desire.

That's a tweetable, by the way, and I hear the Oracle cards calling in the energy. One second, we'll bring you on in a sec.

Yes, the details works may feel like: "I'm getting stuff done. Look at my sexy to-do list, has a check-mark here and a cross-out here and a check-mark." I don't know how many videos are channeled on that but it's so satisfying, yes? Closet Type A personalities are like, "Hallelujah" in the background.

I know how you're feeling however it's important for you to begin to build the ability to open up to receiving the support you require in order to live the life that you desire, where you're not too busy to live and enjoy.

The Oracle cards for this week is Archangel Raphael Healing, so this is Healing with the Angels specifically Archangel Raphael, another Doreen Virtue deck here at the Dojo.

Let's see, Archangel Raphael, what do we need to know about healing our relationship with being too busy?

Oh, this said don't shuffle any further. I can't take it ... Home Help.

Dear God and Archangel Raphael, thank you for giving me the courage to ask for and accept help from you, the angels and others in manners regarding my family and home. This is where we're going to end. This is so self-explanatory.

Home Help? Hello? If you're too busy, get some help at home. What comes up for you hearing this in particular? Oh my gosh, what support would you receive if you had a bazillion dollars. Let's just say you hit the lottery. What would be the first help at home in particular you would hire in order to stop being too busy?

Maybe you love what you do but everybody has stuff that they have to do at home so it's important to feel supported at home.

Let's take the money idea off the table because money also doesn't exist. If you hit the lottery, who would you hire? A butler? A cook? The laundry? Whatever, someone, a nanny?

Who would you hire? Post in the comments below.

By the way, if you know someone who's too busy, share this video with them. I think they need some of the same loving energy and inspiration.

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters first every week, all right? And we will see you next time.

By the way, if you were just as surprised as me, just tell me in the comments below. I'd love to hear that. This never gets old.

All right, I will see you soon. Bye.

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Listen for when you use the excuse of being "too busy."

Then ask yourself "how can I work smarter at this rather than harder, so I'm not too busy?"

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want spiritual support on your healing journey but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Click the grey button below to book your complimentary 30-minute Share Your Story Call  to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | Are You Too Busy? appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.