Are you, or is someone you know, a workaholic?

Worried that if you say "no" when people who ask for help, that you'll be mean or they won't like you?

Drowning in projects and things to manage, at work AND at home?

It's easier to just give in and say "yes" and be seen as helpful, than to stand your ground and say "no" and be seen as possibly selfish.

But when we do that, we add another project on to our already overwhelmed plate of "helpfulness" - perhaps this is more than just being helpful, perhaps it's now an addiction.

Watch this week's 15-minute love letter for the fifth and final installment in our 5-week deep dive on self care versus self sabotage to send healing to our relationship with (personal and professional) help-a-holism.

"I never feel like I'm doing enough."

We've been on a five-week-long deep dive into the dance that we empaths do between self-care and self-sabotage. All the different ways that we stand in the way of shining our light to our fullest potential. I'm really grateful. I just want to thank you for tuning in for week five.

I want to thank you for all your support over the years, of the love letters, my gosh. What? We're going on four or five years straight of love letters. I just want to thank you for your continued support.

This week in particular, we're going to focus on self-sabotage around workaholism and help-a-holism, fix-a-holism. Helping, and fixing, and putting out all the fires, and working all the limbs all day. Those of us who are highly sensitive individuals who are naturally empathic, who are naturally intuitive. Last week we discovered your call to be a healer, your call to healing leadership. You're sensitive for that reason.

But this week is the dark side of that, where you can be so driven to help, and to fix, and to take care give, and to take responsibility; but you lose yourself. Not only lose yourself, you may even hurt yourself.  Be kind yourself, if this is you. This last one, baby, is for you. This is our swan song, yes?

Workaholism, guides say that the soul craving behind that, or that the hidden feeling driver behind helping everybody, and fixing everything, and working constantly. The addiction to work, and projecting.

Not just projecting stuff, we're projecting people, like in your relationships, yes, yes? Maybe this isn't you, maybe we're talking about somebody else. We can pretend.

But, maybe let that obsession with being everybody's caregiver, taking care of everybody and everything. What's the hidden driver behind that?

And the guides say that it is the feeling of, "I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I am good when I am doing. I am only good when I am doing."

Doing good, doing stuff for other people, pleasing others, when I'm gaining approval. Yes, yes? When I'm gaining recognition, I am worthy based on my output ... which is faulty.

Yes, it is good to do good things and to help others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be helping other people, and that you should be like, "All right, screw you all, I'm going home." Right? Pulling a Cartman. No, that's not what we're talking about here.

As much as that sounds fabulous to one of you ... I just heard someone in the energies saying, "I want to tell everyone, 'Go away.'" If that's you ... Bear with me, we're going to make it through this.

But, what's also coming up behind that, as your working, working, working and saying yes to everything; the flipside is the fear of saying, "no." Our lack of boundaries is fueling this relentless need for approval and affirmation. In the workplace, or in the eyes of someone that you helped, or getting to see their transformation so you feel worthy, because they had an outcome or you had an impact on them.

What happens, however, when there's nothing to do, no one to save, nothing to fix? The big question is, are you still worthy? Are you still lovable? Are you still acceptable? Are you still good? Are you still okay, as a person if you don't have something to do, something to do, something to do? This is a big one. When we have this addiction, this also expresses as a lack of boundaries.

What are boundaries? This is the million-dollar word for every single empath like, ever: boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines that separate what is you and what is not you; what is yours and what is not yours.

Now, from a spiritual perspective, yes, there is the universal law of oneness, which says, "All that is, is one." But that doesn't mean you have to do everything all the time, or that everything that's yours belongs to everybody else, or that you don't have any selfness. You don't have a worth because you don't have a self.

No. That's not what that is saying. Instead, that's just to appreciate the interconnectedness and interdependence of all of life, and all that is. However, we're talking about this turning into co dependence. Codependency is when you depend on someone or something outside of you for a sense of emotional security, to give you your emotional security, or even your identity. You're depending on them.

Click to share the Tweet of the Week:

Know this: Codependents need to DO stuff to feel worthy. Who are you without your projects?

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Workaholism, for example, my dad was a lawyer, I'm a lawyer, my kids are going to be a lawyer. If I ever lose this job, I don't know what I'm gonna do; where your job defines your personality. That's a codependent relationship. That means that you are at risk of losing yourself if that thing shifts at all. You've given all your power over to the thing that you are dependent upon.

Be kind to yourself if this is speaking to you. I don't know who this message is for, but I'm sharing it anyway, following spirit's guidance. With that, also, where we have the sense of addiction to getting things done and putting out fires, putting out fires putting out fires. Whenever we put out a fire, we get that little bit of, "Yay, I did it." And that, "Yay," is what we're addicted to, of winning and the feedback loop of, "I'm putting out and I'm receiving, putting out and I'm receiving."

That's why so many men end up becoming not present at home, because the job is what gives them recognition and affirmation constantly, and you come home to a wife that is just not paying attention, and not able to give you that feedback. It is, unfortunately, natural to become addicted more to work, where you're recognized, and you feel like you have an impact in the relationship more with your job than your own partner. Scary.

That happens to women, too, I'm not just talking about men, okay. I hear my guide saying, "This happens to the ladies, too," where work or the kids become more important than their partner, because there's something to work on. There's always something. The mom-ness becomes the identity rather than yourself being your identity, becoming codependent to the children.

Be kind to yourself if this is you. Now, this week in particular, the guides are saying, "How do we get out of this?" This addiction to working and losing ourself without our boundaries. Well, is to have values. This week in particular, you want to focus on writing out a list of what your core, desired feelings and your most prioritized values are in life. Allow your schedule to be according to what you prioritize most, what you value the most.

First things first, as they say. I believe that's in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Put first things first. Is family really important to you? If so, where is family in your schedule? This week, we want to put, "What are your core desired feelings?" I want to feel free, I want to feel abundant, I want to feel loved, I want to feel sensual. Where are those feelings in how you spend your time each day? Rather than letting the thing that you are co dependently addicted to, such as the work or the caregiving, et cetera rather than letting only that determine how you spend your time.

This is going to shift your relationship with your workaholism. Your addiction is going shift. If you can just get clear on, "What are your core, desired feelings, and what are your most prioritized values?"

We forget, we're in that tunnel of, "I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff. I'm so productive, I'm so busy. I'm doing all this busy stuff." There's a difference between being busy and actually being in business. There's a difference between being busy and actually being focused.

This, our core, desired feelings and our most prioritized values are what are going to help us clarify that. To end, Doreen Virtue, Angel Therapy; yet another one of our Doreen Virtue decks. Angels, what we need to know this week? To round off our five-week deep dive into the dance between self sabotage and self care. "Listen to your intuitive feelings."

Listen to your intuitive feelings. Your body is receiving accurate messages from the divine. This is perfect, given what we're talking about.

One of the main reasons why we can get stuck in, or create stuck-ness in a codependent, workaholic, fixaholic relationship is because we'll drown out the sensations of our body. We're not in touch. We're not in touch with ... "Oh, my neck is starting to hurt because it's 10:00 PM and I'm still at work."

We'll just keep going, going, going. Or, you know what? I actually ... I'm not really hungry for that extra candy bar, as we talked ... The second week was food. I'm not actually hungry for that chocolate candy bar. Actually, I'm craving love and affection.

Instead of shoving a chocolate candy bar down my throat so I can stay working at the computer all the livelong day, instead I'm going to reach out to receive some physical touch, or love and affection from a loved one. Listen to your feelings.

Your sensitivity is your strength here, and it's the gateway to your next level in life. Send me an email back, comment below. Let me know what's coming up for you around this, and how has this series been for you?

Are you liking the multi-week deep dives? Let me know, let me know.

Source has been telling me that you and I have got to develop a deeper relationship, and go deeper into the information, rather than just doing one idea a week. Nah, let's go there. Let's go there together, okay?

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters every week, and I'll see you next time. Muah, bye

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Put first things, first.

Write a list of your core values and core desired feelings, and see if you're spending your time each day accordingly.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

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Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business.

Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen.

Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...

The post Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage – Part 5 of 5 appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Have a hard time knowing what you want lately?

Tired of being known as an indecisive person?

Wish there was a way to heal yourself and gain more clarity?

Indecision is actually a manifestation of unexpressed fears.

In an effort to avoid dealing with our truth, we can hide ourselves behind the phrase "I don't know" as a filler for conversation.

Watch this weeks 10 minute love letter video to gain clarity by naming your fear!

"I don't know what I want."

The phrase that source is sending for you this week in particular is "name your fear." Name your fear.

Oftentimes, we will hold ourselves in, pull back our enthusiasm so far that we forget what we really wanted to manifest or what we really want in the first place because we're just sucking ourselves back, right?

We're just hiding, hiding, hiding, and we have this sense ... It can manifest as a sense of apathy, boredom, fatigue, and you'll really know that this is happening to you when you say, "I don't know" as a knee-jerk reaction or almost like a tick when you're speaking.

You'll be speaking to someone, and they just, like their automatic answer's, "I don't know." There's an "I don't know" that comes forth.

It just shoots out every single time, every single time when we have sucked our energy so far back inside of ourselves that we lose a sense of what our real concerns are, our real goals and desires are, our real passions are.

We just suck ourselves inside, and usually, this is motivated, unfortunately, by fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being seen, right? Fear of visibility.

Not only that but also fear of failure, fear of having to work hard and put in effort, like a fear of effort. We suck ourselves in, so we don't have to deal with or process what we're afraid of.

Know this: Overusing "I don't know" in everyday #communication is a sign you're hiding unresolved fears. @SenseiWhitfield

The next time you catch yourself saying or you hear someone saying, "I don't know," or if you ask, "How do you feel about us," if you're having the grown-up conversation around relationships, right, and this person says, "I don't know." What do you want in life? What do you want for dinner? "I don't know. I don't know." They're sucking their energy back.

We're not sharing. You aren't sharing yourself when you say, "I don't know."

We did a previous channeling video I don't know how many months ago. I just said, "I don't know." I'm afraid that I don't have all of my love letters memorized, people. I can't. I channel each one. They just flow out of me, but several months ago, we did a channeling on how "I don't know"... If anything, you can put it in YouTube and do a search for, "I don't know." We channeled on the fact that that's always a lie. We say that to hide. We say that to dodge the truth or dodge the reality of it because sharing ourselves fully is much too vulnerable and open.

This week, in particular, Source is saying, "name your fear," so when "I don't know" shows up this week, turn that around by asking yourself, "What am I afraid of right now?"

If someone asks me, super mundane, "what do you want to eat tonight?" "I don't know? What do you want?" Turning that around on myself, I would ask, "Well, what am I afraid of right now? Why do I say, 'I don't know.' What am I afraid of?"

Let me name my fear.

I'm afraid of making a decision. I'm afraid of being decisive. I'm afraid of making a decision and choosing something that I don't like. I'm afraid if I make a decision, the other person's going to have something else in mind. I'm afraid of rocking the boat by having my own point of view.

There's just so many things that could come out of that.

If you name your fear, it dispels that energy. It disperses it. It gets it out.

It takes it from feeling blocked and closed like a finite book or event being shut down, closed. "There's no way that I'm going to know what I want to eat tonight, ladies and gentlemen. It's no way. I don't know. There's no way I will ever know. I've blocked from knowing what I want."

You can shift that by naming your fear, so this is really for someone who's watching this who wants to know what they want.

If that's you, my love, I'm here for you. We are here. The energy is here for you. The angels are on your side. We're here to tell you, "Yes, you do know what you want."

The way that you find out is actually by going underneath what you want as as in, "Dig into your fear." Go there. Go there. It takes courage. You can do it, and there's so much love and clarity that comes out from naming your fear. The minute you do name your fear, it disperses fear's power.

"I'm afraid of the dark." Okay, it's just the dark. "I'm going to go into my bedroom, and I'm not going to imagine a giant arm reaching out and trying to grab me." (Thanks, Ma, for that horrible vision.) I'm just going to be with the darkness. Why is the dark afraid, fearful? What am I afraid of about the dark that I don't know what's going on, okay? Be with that. Be with that uncertainty.

Get the clarity from your fear rather than running from it.

I'm hearing the oracle cards calling and the energy. It's The Indigo Angel Oracle Cards Deck, another Doreen Virtue deck here at the dojo, one of 16 decks and counting. We're always open to receiving donation decks too. If there is one that you would like to donate to the tribe, we'd be happy to receive it. Also, if you have any recommendations. "Victoria, I saw this really great deck." Send me an email at senseivictoriawhitfield@gmail.com. I'd be happy to look into that, maybe even get it.

Angels, what do we need to know right now about naming our fear?

Two cards just came forward. Interesting ... This hasn't happened in a while.

Believe in yourself and Archangel Metatron.

Now, the angels are saying the believe-in-yourself card is coming forward around naming your fear because naming your fear takes courage.

By doing so, you take a stand to say, "You know what? I'm worth the exploration. I'm worth taking a minute to ask and investigate. I really am worth it. I believe that I'm capable of receiving the clarity from this question." Right? Believe in yourself.

Sometimes we avoid ourselves because we don't have that belief or inherent trust that it's going to be okay or that you're even worth the time.

If that's you, you need some extra love. We're here to support you.

Archangel Metatron is also here to support you, so this is the archangel of intuition, revelation and spiritual energy. You can ask for his help, in particular, with this clearing process. Ask him, "Archangel Michael, please help me to name my fear. Please give me the courage. Please heal me so that I'm able to move through this issue."

Wait and watch for the sensations that you get, any visions that you receive or advice that comes through, not just sudden thoughts, ideas and impulses that come to you or people and songs.

I'm searching for the word. People, songs, billboards ... There's going to be spiritual guidance that comes to you as soon as you ask, and that's what Archangel Metatron, in particular, is in charge of.

He also clears your aura. If you feel blocked, there's no such thing as being blocked, but if you feel blocked, you're creating it.

Ask him, "Archangel Michael, please release any blocks that I believe are on me or that are in me, and allow the experience."

Send me an email back at senseivictoriawhitfield@gmail.com. Post below so that I can hear, what are your experiences?

This week in particular. This is a big week, and it takes some courage to do it, but you can. You've got to believe in yourself because I believe in you.

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters first every week, and we'll see you next time. Bye.

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Listen to yourself speak to catch if you're saying "I don't know" just as conversational filler.

When you do, honestly ask yourself: "Wait, why did I say that? What am I afraid of?"

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want spiritual support on your healing journey but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give us a call at +1 (732) 903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | Name Your Fear appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.