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	<title>no Archives - Sensei Victoria Whitfield</title>
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		<title>Love Letters &#124; Busy-ness Self Sabotage &#8211; Part 5 of 5</title>
		<link>https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-busy-ness-self-sabotage-part-5-of-5/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=love-letters-busy-ness-self-sabotage-part-5-of-5</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Sensei Victoria Whitfield]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 29 Jun 2020 05:00:19 +0000</pubDate>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://victoriawhitfield.com/?p=3885</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Are you, or is someone you know, a workaholic? Worried that if you say "no" when people who ask for help, that you'll be mean or they won't like you? Drowning in projects and things to manage, at work AND at home? It's easier to just give in and say "yes" and be seen as [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-busy-ness-self-sabotage-part-5-of-5/">Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage &#8211; Part 5 of 5</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JCpb8T2osQs?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" data-mce-fragment="1"></iframe></h2>
<h2><em>Are you, or is someone you know, a workaholic?</em><span style="color: #800080;"><em><br />
</em></span></h2>
<p><em>Worried that if you say "no" when people who ask for help, that you'll be mean or they won't like you?<br />
</em></p>
<p><em>Drowning in projects and things to manage, at work AND at home?<br />
</em></p>
<p>It's easier to just give in and say "yes" and be seen as helpful, than to stand your ground and say "no" and be seen as possibly selfish.</p>
<p>But when we do that, we add another project on to our already overwhelmed plate of "helpfulness" - perhaps this is more than just being helpful, perhaps it's now an addiction.</p>
<p>Watch this week's 15-minute love letter for the fifth and final installment in our 5-week deep dive on self care versus self sabotage to send healing to our relationship with (personal and professional) help-a-holism.<span style="color: #008080;"><strong><br />
</strong></span></p>
<p><span id="more-3885"></span></p>
<p style="text-align: right;"><em><b>"I never feel like I'm doing enough."</b></em></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">We've been on a five-week-long deep dive into the dance that we empaths do between self-care and self-sabotage. All the different ways that we stand in the way of shining our light to our fullest potential. I'm really grateful. I just want to thank you for tuning in for week five. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">I want to thank you for all your support over the years, of the love letters, my gosh. What? We're going on four or five years straight of love letters. I just want to thank you for your continued support.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> This week in particular, we're going to focus on self-sabotage around workaholism and help-a-holism, fix-a-holism. Helping, and fixing, and putting out all the fires, and working all the limbs all day. Those of us who are highly sensitive individuals who are naturally empathic, who are naturally intuitive. Last week we discovered your call to be a healer, your call to healing leadership. You're sensitive for that reason.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> But this week is the dark side of that, where you can be so driven to help, and to fix, and to take care give, and to take responsibility; but you lose yourself. Not only lose yourself, you may even hurt yourself.<span class="Apple-converted-space">  </span>Be kind yourself, if this is you. This last one, baby, is for you. This is our swan song, yes? </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><strong>Workaholism, guides say that the soul craving behind that, or that the hidden feeling driver behind helping everybody, and fixing everything, and working constantly. The addiction to work, and projecting.</strong> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Not just projecting stuff, we're projecting people, like in your relationships, yes, yes? Maybe this isn't you, maybe we're talking about somebody else. We can pretend. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">But, maybe let that obsession with being everybody's caregiver, taking care of everybody and everything. What's the hidden driver behind that? </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">And the guides say that it is the feeling of, <em>"I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I am good when I am doing. I am only good when I am doing." </em></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Doing good, doing stuff for other people, pleasing others, when I'm gaining approval. Yes, yes? When I'm gaining recognition, I am worthy based on my output ... which is faulty. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Yes, it is good to do good things and to help others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be helping other people, and that you should be like, <em>"All right, screw you all, I'm going home."</em> Right? Pulling a Cartman. No, that's not what we're talking about here.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> As much as that sounds fabulous to one of you ... I just heard someone in the energies saying, <em>"I want to tell everyone, 'Go away.'"</em> If that's you ... Bear with me, we're going to make it through this. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">But, what's also coming up behind that, as your working, working, working and saying yes to everything; the flipside is the fear of saying, "no." Our lack of boundaries is fueling this relentless need for approval and affirmation. In the workplace, or in the eyes of someone that you helped, or getting to see their transformation so you feel worthy, because they had an outcome or you had an impact on them.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><strong> What happens, however, when there's nothing to do, no one to save, nothing to fix? </strong>The big question is, are you still worthy? Are you still lovable? Are you still acceptable? Are you still good? Are you still okay, as a person if you don't have something to do, something to do, something to do? This is a big one. When we have this addiction, this also expresses as a lack of boundaries. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> What are boundaries? This is the million-dollar word for every single empath like, ever: boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines that separate what is you and what is not you; what is yours and what is not yours. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Now, from a spiritual perspective, yes, there is the universal law of oneness, which says, "All that is, is one." But that doesn't mean you have to do everything all the time, or that everything that's yours belongs to everybody else, or that you don't have any selfness. You don't have a worth because you don't have a self.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> No. That's not what that is saying. Instead, that's just to appreciate the interconnectedness and interdependence of all of life, and all that is. However, we're talking about this turning into co dependence. Codependency is when you depend on someone or something outside of you for a sense of emotional security, to give you your emotional security, or even your identity. You're depending on them.</span></p>
<h2><strong>Click to share the Tweet of the Week:</strong></h2>
<h2 class="p1"><a href="http://ctt.ec/K9al1"><strong><span class="s1">Know this: Codependents need to DO stuff to feel worthy. Who are you without your projects?</span></strong></a></h2>
<h2 class="p1"><a href="http://ctt.ec/K9al1"><img decoding="async" class="alignnone wp-image-2243" src="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tweetbutton-300x129.gif" alt="tweetbutton" width="150" height="64" /></a></h2>
<p>Are you loving <em>The Love Letters</em>? If so, please support our healing work with a love donation:<br />
<a href="https://www.paypal.me/victoriawhitfield"><img decoding="async" class="alignnone wp-image-6037 size-full" src="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/button_leave-a-love-donation.png" alt="" width="295" height="40" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #ffffff;">--</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Workaholism, for example, my dad was a lawyer, I'm a lawyer, my kids are going to be a lawyer. If I ever lose this job, I don't know what I'm gonna do; where your job defines your personality. That's a codependent relationship. That means that you are at risk of losing yourself if that thing shifts at all. You've given all your power over to the thing that you are dependent upon. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Be kind to yourself if this is speaking to you. I don't know who this message is for, but I'm sharing it anyway, following spirit's guidance. With that, also, where we have the sense of addiction to getting things done and putting out fires, putting out fires putting out fires. Whenever we put out a fire, we get that little bit of,<em> "Yay, I did it."</em> And that, <em>"Yay,"</em> is what we're addicted to, of winning and the feedback loop of, "I'm putting out and I'm receiving, putting out and I'm receiving."</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> That's why so many men end up becoming not present at home, because the job is what gives them recognition and affirmation constantly, and you come home to a wife that is just not paying attention, and not able to give you that feedback. It is, unfortunately, natural to become addicted more to work, where you're recognized, and you feel like you have an impact in the relationship more with your job than your own partner. Scary. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">That happens to women, too, I'm not just talking about men, okay. I hear my guide saying, "This happens to the ladies, too," where work or the kids become more important than their partner, because there's something to work on. There's always something. The mom-ness becomes the identity rather than yourself being your identity, becoming codependent to the children.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Be kind to yourself if this is you. Now, this week in particular, the guides are saying, <em>"How do we get out of this?"</em> This addiction to working and losing ourself without our boundaries. Well, is to have values. This week in particular, you want to focus on writing out a list of what your core, desired feelings and your most prioritized values are in life. Allow your schedule to be according to what you prioritize most, what you value the most. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> First things first, as they say. I believe that's in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Put first things first. Is family really important to you? If so, where is family in your schedule? This week, we want to put, "What are your core desired feelings?" I want to feel free, I want to feel abundant, I want to feel loved, I want to feel sensual. Where are those feelings in how you spend your time each day? Rather than letting the thing that you are co dependently addicted to, such as the work or the caregiving, et cetera rather than letting only that determine how you spend your time.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><strong><span class="s1"> This is going to shift your relationship with your workaholism. Your addiction is going shift. If you can just get clear on, <em>"What are your core, desired feelings, and what are your most prioritized values?"</em> </span></strong></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">We forget, we're in that tunnel of, "I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff. I'm so productive, I'm so busy. I'm doing all this busy stuff." There's a difference between being busy and actually being in business. There's a difference between being busy and actually being focused.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> This, our core, desired feelings and our most prioritized values are what are going to help us clarify that. To end, Doreen Virtue, Angel Therapy; yet another one of our Doreen Virtue decks. Angels, what we need to know this week? To round off our five-week deep dive into the dance between self sabotage and self care.<em> "Listen to your intuitive feelings."</em> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Listen to your intuitive feelings. Your body is receiving accurate messages from the divine. This is perfect, given what we're talking about.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> One of the main reasons why we can get stuck in, or create stuck-ness in a codependent, workaholic, fixaholic relationship is because we'll drown out the sensations of our body. We're not in touch. We're not in touch with ... <em>"Oh, my neck is starting to hurt because it's 10:00 PM and I'm still at work."</em> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">We'll just keep going, going, going. Or, you know what? I actually ... I'm not really hungry for that extra candy bar, as we talked ... The second week was food. I'm not actually hungry for that chocolate candy bar. Actually, I'm craving love and affection. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><strong> Instead of shoving a chocolate candy bar down my throat so I can stay working at the computer all the livelong day, instead I'm going to reach out to receive some physical touch, or love and affection from a loved one. Listen to your feelings.</strong> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Your sensitivity is your strength here, and it's the gateway to your next level in life. Send me an email back, comment below. Let me know what's coming up for you around this, and how has this series been for you? </span></p>
<p class="p2"><span class="s1"> Are you liking the multi-week deep dives? Let me know, let me know. </span></p>
<p class="p2"><span class="s1">Source has been telling me that you and I have got to develop a deeper relationship, and go deeper into the information, rather than just doing one idea a week. Nah, let's go there. Let's go there together, okay? </span></p>
<p class="p2"><span class="s1">Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters every week, and I'll see you next time. Muah, bye</span></p>
<p><strong><a href="http://www.victoriawhitfield.com">VictoriaWhitfield.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield">Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield</a></strong></p>
<h2><strong>Just for Today...</strong></h2>
<h3>Put first things, first.</h3>
<h3>Write a list of your core values and core desired feelings, and see if you're spending your time each day accordingly.</h3>
<h3><em>Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!</em></h3>
<p><span style="color: #ffffff;">-</span></p>
<p><strong><em><a href="https://bit.ly/2HCFnrE"><img decoding="async" class="alignleft wp-image-5916" src="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-300x300.png" alt="" width="250" height="250" srcset="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-300x300.png 300w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-150x150.png 150w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-768x768.png 768w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria.png 800w" sizes="(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px" /></a>Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. </em></strong><em>And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business. </em></p>
<p><em>Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen. </em></p>
<h3><strong><a href="https://bit.ly/2HCFnrE"><i><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...</span></i></a></strong></h3>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-busy-ness-self-sabotage-part-5-of-5/">Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage &#8211; Part 5 of 5</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
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		<title>Love Letters &#124; A Beautiful No – Part 3 of 4</title>
		<link>https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-a-beautiful-no-part-3-of-4/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=love-letters-a-beautiful-no-part-3-of-4</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Sensei Victoria Whitfield]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 15 Oct 2018 05:00:20 +0000</pubDate>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://victoriawhitfield.com/?p=6114</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>﻿﻿ This is week three of four of our deep dive into being catalysts for change. You are a catalyst for change. You are a healer. We've been doing some really profound work on clearing the gunk on the inside that may be creating that resistance in you to speaking up for yourself, to changing [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-a-beautiful-no-part-3-of-4/">Love Letters | A Beautiful No – Part 3 of 4</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y2F17b6o8Mc?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"><span data-mce-type="bookmark" style="display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;" class="mce_SELRES_start">﻿</span><span data-mce-type="bookmark" style="display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;" class="mce_SELRES_start">﻿</span><span data-mce-type="bookmark" style="display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;" class="mce_SELRES_start"></span><span data-mce-type="bookmark" style="display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;" class="mce_SELRES_start"></span></iframe></p>
<h2><strong>This is week three of four of our deep dive into being catalysts for change. You are a catalyst for change. You are a healer. </strong></h2>
<p>We've been doing some really profound work on clearing the gunk on the inside that may be creating that resistance in you to speaking up for yourself, to changing the course of events around you, to arranging your life and purpose around being a healing presence. I know this is a deep work. For those of you where this is your first video, make sure that you pause and go back on my blog at victoriawhitfield.com and start from part one so that you can begin this wonderful healing and uncovering process journey that we've been on over the last couple weeks.</p>
<p><strong>This week in particular, the guides have asked us to talk about A Beautiful No.</strong> A Beautiful No is not one that’s screaming, "No, I'm not doing it!" or breaking down to the point where desperately you say, "I give up! No. Okay!? No. I can't...” What is that desperate pattern? From my heart to yours, as empaths, we have to get pushed to a certain breaking point in order to say “No” finally. And that needs to stop.</p>
<p>Also, there's the aspect of saying No from a feminine energy versus saying No from a masculine energy. Now, be kind to yourself. Neither is superior. I believe in supporting magnificent women as well as magnificent men. I believe in the power of the feminine and the power of the masculine. The two come together and are Creation, and we appreciate both.</p>
<p><strong>At the same time, we have a lot more practice as empaths, energy-sensitive and heart-centered entrepreneurs with more of a masculine No, which is cutting to the point of saying No.</strong> That's been more exemplified perhaps in our early life experiences as children, or perhaps out in our greater society, our role models were predominantly coming from a No as being harsh, or No can even be perceived as mean. There's the warrior behind No. In the masculine, the warrior is gorgeous. The warrior is absolutely gorgeous. We need powerful warrior protectors who are rooted and generative in their energy. Absolutely, absolutely. The warrior is gorgeous.</p>
<p>However, there are more No’s out there than the No at the edge of an emotional sword or an immature, imbalanced masculine No that is mean, cutting, rude, at-the-end-of-its-rope and harsh or lashing out. That's not the type of masculine that we advocate for. Absolutely not. When we're in our graceful masculine, whether you are male or female, when we're in our graceful masculine, the No is rooted. When we're in our graceful feminine, rather than an immature, or imbalanced feminine saying, "Well, no. I can’t because [insert long story here]," being intentionally whine-y, or manipulative, or hot-potatoing of emotion on to other people to coerce them into different things; coming from an immature feminine is not the type of No that we're talking about.</p>
<p><strong>When we have No coming from the graceful feminine, the No is pleasurable. </strong>It is in fact just as pleasurable, if not moreso than, the Yes. The No becomes radiant and inspiring. The No is an openhearted expression when we are in our graceful feminine. When we are in our graceful masculine, the No is rooted, calming, and it serves, it generates the energy of Certainty that that No roots in.</p>
<p><span style="color: #ffffff;">--</span></p>
<h2><strong>Click to share the Tweet of the Week:</strong></h2>
<h2><a href="https://ctt.ac/Ree_8">Know this: Whether you are male or female, when you’re in your graceful masculine, saying “no” is clearing and grounding, and when you’re in your graceful feminine, saying “no” is inspiration and a pleasure for all involved.  #womeninbusiness #entrepreneur #communication @SenseiWhitfield</a></h2>
<p><span style="color: #ffffff;">--</span><br />
Are you loving <em>The Love Letters</em>? If so, please support our healing work with a love donation:<br />
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<span style="color: #ffffff;">--</span></p>
<p>So, how many beautiful No’s have you witnessed? Or in fact, how many beautiful No’s as a response have you seen? Repeat after me, “No.” Go ahead, say it beautifully out loud right now: “No.” Or even better, let's sink more into that graceful feminine and/or graceful masculine for a moment... Now try it again aloud: “No.” Again: “No.” How many of those beautiful No’s did you say to yourself just now? Go ahead, send me an email back at info@victoriawhitfield.com. How many No’s did you say out loud just now, and how did that feel? How many beautiful No’s have you ever witnessed? Have you seen it happen? What would be an example of the most beautiful No that you have ever witnessed, one that was full of grace, and power, and was inspiring, or when it was said, it felt honored and respectful, or edifying to hear such a No?</p>
<p><strong>When you are embracing being a catalyst for change, it can be a beautiful process</strong>. It doesn't have to be messy. This one's for those of you who've been doing the series and thinking, "Oh my gosh. If I have to be a catalyst for change, I'm going to turn everything upside down. It’ll be a disaster. I'm going to embarrass myself or I'm going to out a whole bunch of people and cause trouble." That's not necessarily the only way to be a wonderful catalyst for change. In fact, when you’re cultivating your relationship with A Beautiful No, and coming from that grounded, deep, and centered space, you can still be a profound catalyst for change without having to claw at people and cause some trouble or start a fight along the way.</p>
<p>Speaking of being grounded and centered, let's get to our crystals for this week. All right? So, we are exploring the Beautiful No and I'm curious: Crystals, angels, spirit guides, what do we need to know right now about A Beautiful No? ...Yay! Tiger's eye. Look at how pretty it is. You can barely see the color of it on camera. Oh, my goodness! Let's read: “Tiger's eye represents calm, clarity, balanced emotions.” Can't make this stuff up. I'm reading. I'm literally just reading what it says:</p>
<p><strong><em>“Communication and intuition.</em></strong><em> If you have been plagued with negative thoughts lately, then tiger's eye crystal will help you rid yourself of unwanted thoughts and help you regain a positive and more inspiring attitude. You will soon begin to see things clearly and realize that there was really nothing to fear in the first place. Calm your thoughts and start to listen to your intuition. Know that all is well, and that only love surrounds you. This card also has to do with communication. You may avoid unnecessary turmoil and problems by communicating clearly with others. Don't be afraid to express your views honestly, and make sure there's no misunderstanding. You will gain respect and admiration for doing so.”</em></p>
<p>Gosh! I just so happened to have a tiger's eye here at the office. I pulled these stone completely at random – but there’s no such thing as coincidence; Spirit is surely guiding the way. By the way, thank you, Christoph for your gift of the tiger's eye stones I have here. This stone is a feldspar: it means flashes of insight. That's what feldspar is, that where the light travels, like in flashes across the stone.</p>
<p><strong>This is all about mindset and having powerful communication.</strong> When you are really embracing A Beautiful No, you exemplify what it means to be a healing presence as a catalyst for change. It doesn't have to be painful, and it doesn't have to be crazy or messy. Instead, it’s about being clear that “No” is a full sentence.</p>
<p>Go ahead. Schedule a chat with me at <a href="http://www.victoriawhitfield.com/contact/">http://www.victoriawhitfield.com/contact/</a> and tell me what comes up for you. Do you need help in connecting with your Beautiful No? Go ahead. Tell me. Type it in the comments below or subscribe on YouTube so that you get these love letters first every week. I'm excited to see what you say and how you're Beautiful No comes to pass. I'm sending you big hugs, and muah, lots of love. I'll see you next week for our last video!</p>
<p><span style="color: #ffffff;">--</span></p>
<h2><strong>Just for today...</strong></h2>
<h3>Practice saying “no” in a beautiful way, with authenticity and out loud.</h3>
<h3>There’s power in your words, and in hearing yourself speak, so drop into your heart and straighten up your spine as you open up to say “no” with grace and clarity.</h3>
<h3>Notice how you feel in that moment - <em>you're already healing!</em></h3>
<p><span style="color: #ffffff;">--</span></p>
<p><strong><em><a href="https://bit.ly/2HCFnrE"><img decoding="async" class="alignleft wp-image-5916" src="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-300x300.png" alt="" width="250" height="250" srcset="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-300x300.png 300w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-150x150.png 150w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria-768x768.png 768w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Work-with-Victoria.png 800w" sizes="(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px" /></a>Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. </em></strong><em>And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business. </em></p>
<p><em>Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen. </em></p>
<h3><strong><a href="https://bit.ly/2HCFnrE"><i><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...</span></i></a></strong></h3>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-a-beautiful-no-part-3-of-4/">Love Letters | A Beautiful No – Part 3 of 4</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
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		<title>Love Letters &#124; Don&#8217;t Commit</title>
		<link>https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-dont-commit/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=love-letters-dont-commit</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Sensei Victoria Whitfield]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 12 Jun 2016 12:00:57 +0000</pubDate>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://victoriawhitfield.com/?p=2563</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Are you too quick to say yes when others ask you for anything? Finding yourself overscheduled, overwhelmed and overbooked lately? Scared to say "No" because you don't want to hurt their feelings? It's natural to love helping people and being involved -- heck, you're known for being the helper, healer and leader! But what happens [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-dont-commit/">Love Letters | Don&#8217;t Commit</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IPK5lpoiYQA?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></h2>
<h2><span style="color: #800080;"><em>Are you too quick to say yes when others ask you for anything?<br />
</em></span></h2>
<h2><em>Finding yourself overscheduled, overwhelmed and overbooked lately?<br />
</em></h2>
<h2><em>Scared to say "No" because you don't want to hurt their feelings?</em></h2>
<p>It's natural to love helping people and being involved -- heck, you're known for being the helper, healer and leader!</p>
<p>But what happens when you feel like you can't say "No" because you're afraid they'll think you're selfish for taking time for yourself?</p>
<p><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>Watch this week's 9-minute Love Letter video to stop over-committing yourself to others.</strong></span></p>
<p><span id="more-2563"></span></p>
<p style="text-align: right;"><em><span style="color: #800080;"><b>"But I'm the helper. That's what I do."</b></span></em></p>
<p class="p1"><strong><span class="s1">This week, Source&nbsp;</span><span class="s1">says, "Don't commit. In fact, stop it. Don't commit. Don't do it."</span></strong></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Now, for all those of you out there who are thinking, <em>"Yes! I don't have to put in work"</em>&nbsp;— this message is not what you would expect, so hold your horses. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span style="color: #800080;"><strong><span class="s1">Instead, Source is saying don't commit because you need to stop over-committing. </span></strong></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">This is for all of us out there in the tribe who love to say, <em>"Yes, sure I will. Oh! I'll help you. Yeah, no problem. I can clear my schedule to do this random thingy for you at the drop of a hat, sure."</em> Or, <em>"Oh! I didn't have plans this weekend, even though I wanted to spend time with myself. Sure, I'll go out to your party and help you with all the blah blah..."</em> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><strong><span class="s1">Don't! Stop! Don't commit. If only just for now, if only just for this week, give yourself some space.</span></strong></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">I know you want to rescue everybody, and you feel like that's your role, telling yourself:&nbsp;<em>"Oh, I'm the helper, I'm the healer. I heal people, I help people. That's what I do."</em> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Slow your roll. This week in particular, Source is resounding very strongly with this message, and don't commit. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span style="color: #800080;"><strong><span class="s1">Practice saying this:&nbsp;<em>"I can't."</em>&nbsp;or this one ... ready for it? <em>"No."</em></span></strong></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Did you know that you're capable of still beaming love, healing, compassion, acceptance, support, kindness and generosity while saying no, and not committing. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Amazing, right? Who would've thought? 🙂</span></p>
<p class="p1"><strong><span class="s1">If only just for now, Source wants you to know that your time is valuable, just as much as those who are coming to you for your time, or for your advice, or for your hands as an extra set of hands in helping.</span></strong></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">I don't know who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I'm speaking to someone very specific right now. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">This&nbsp;is who you are. You're the helper, you're nurturer, you're the backbone, you're the go-to girl, the go-to guy. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span style="color: #800080;"><strong><span class="s1">This week you've got to flex that muscle of, <em>"No."</em> Or, <em>"I can't."</em> Or try saying, <em>"Thank you.&nbsp;I'm going to take some time for myself instead."</em> </span></strong></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Never say, <em>"Thank you, but ..."</em> everyone only hears the "but" so say "and".</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Be kind to yourself if this is really shaking you to the core. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">This week you've got to flex that&nbsp;<em>"No"</em> muscle. This happens when you say,<em> "No, I would like to do this instead. Thank you, though."</em> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Always be generous; always be loving. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><strong>Now the guides are saying, it's time for the oracle card of the week—</strong></span><span class="s1"><strong>in particular we're going to be using the, "Talking to Heaven" oracle cards deck that was donated to the dojo.</strong> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">This is specifically about receiving guidance from our loved ones who have passed away, or ancestors who are on the other side, and hearing intuitive wisdom that they have and that they would like to share with us.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">There are a lot of people out there who would love to send us a message or two. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Asking: What do you guys have to share with us around, <em>"Don't commit"</em>? Is there anything that you could offer?</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><strong>"We are so connected."</strong>&nbsp;</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">It's a beautiful quantum image there of bubbles within bubbles just going off into infinity in this card. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">There's this inter-dimensional depiction of what being connected and what all our lives look like as plurality in the energy. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span style="color: #800080;"><strong><span class="s1">The guides are telling me to read this entry in particular to you.&nbsp;</span></strong></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Now these readings are channeled by a medium, so it's as if the person on the other person is speaking:</span></p>
<p class="p1"><em><strong><span class="s1">"I've been able to review my life here in heaven and I've seen how perfectly everything we do is woven together. There are no accidents or wrong turns, everything makes sense now. I wanted to give you the exciting news that in my life review I saw that you and I have a strong soul connection through many lifetimes.</span></strong></em></p>
<p class="p1"><em><strong><span class="s1">We've been each other's teachers, sometimes in unpleasant ways, &nbsp;several times. In this lifetime we were magnetically drawn together because we had mutual work to do for ourselves personally and for others, and now that I'm here our connection remains strong, just like when I was living in my body, our thoughts are in sync with one another. We often think of each other simultaneously, so think of me and know that I'm doing the same always with love."</span></strong></em></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Grandma. Thank you.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Our loved ones on the other side want us to know that we are intimately, intimately connected no matter what. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Not even death could separate our bond. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span style="color: #800080;"><strong><span class="s1">On this scale then, be kind to yourself i</span></strong><span class="s1"><strong>f you are afraid that disagreement or declining will sever ties.</strong> </span></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Not even death can sever ties between you and those that Source has put you together with in this lifetime. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Give yourself permission to not commit. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><strong>The people that are there for you will respect your choice to say&nbsp;<em>"no"</em>. They will&nbsp;respect your decision. Don't be afraid of severing ties or hurting anyone's feelings.</strong> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Here's a ninja trick: if you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings, just say so:&nbsp;<em>"I want you to know I'm afraid I'm going to hurt your feelings, but I can't."</em> Or, <em>"Thank you for telling me this. I feel uncomfortable, but I have to be honest, I don't want to."</em></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Be genuine, be open; it's all right. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">This is a bit of a sticky situation. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1" style="color: #800080;"><strong>It's tough for us who are highly sensitive intuitive individuals to really speak up and decline, right? It takes a bit of courage and some extra energy.</strong> </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Send me an email back or a&nbsp;</span><span class="s1">comment below to share what's coming up for you? What do you feel hearing this? Is this resonating? </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Okay, make sure that you share this video for someone that you know who really needs to tone the over-commitment down, and subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters first every week.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><b>By the way, this Saturday I will see you in New York City for the Love Tour, right? Saturday June 18th from 2 to 5pm, send me an email back at senseivictoriawhitfield@gmail.com if you'd like to join us, it's free.</b></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Hopefully I'll see you there. </span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">If not, see you next week here. Bye!</span></p>
<p class="p1"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-2049 size-full" src="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/TWEETOFTHEWEEK.png" alt="TWEETOFTHEWEEK" width="462" height="86" srcset="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/TWEETOFTHEWEEK.png 462w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/TWEETOFTHEWEEK-300x56.png 300w, https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/TWEETOFTHEWEEK-460x86.png 460w" sizes="(max-width: 462px) 100vw, 462px" /></p>
<h2 class="p1"><strong><span class="s1">Know this:&nbsp;<a href="http://ctt.ec/81cAb" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">You can be generous and loving while declining someone's offer. Your time matters, too. @SenseiWhitfield</a></span></strong></h2>
<p><a href="http://ctt.ec/y3U82"><img decoding="async" class="alignnone wp-image-2243" src="https://victoriawhitfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tweetbutton-300x129.gif" alt="tweetbutton" width="150" height="64"></a></p>
<p><strong style="line-height: 1.5;">In Love and Light,</strong></p>
<p><strong>Victoria.</strong></p>
<p><strong><a href="http://www.victoriawhitfield.com">VictoriaWhitfield.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield">Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield</a></strong></p>
<p><strong><em>Just for Today...</em></strong></p>
<p><strong>Prepare and practice saying your own loving decline phrase, such as: "No, I won't able to do that; thanks for thinking of me, though."</strong></p>
<div><strong>Write it out on a sticky note for and say it out loud to yourself a few times.</strong></div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div><strong><em>Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!</em></strong></div>
<div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<p><span style="color: #008000;"><strong>SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!</strong></span></p>
</div>
<h2>&nbsp;</h2>
<h2><span style="color: #008080;">Want spiritual support on your healing journey&nbsp;but don't know where to start? Tell me!</span></h2>
<h3><strong>Give me a call at&nbsp;<a href="tel:+1-732-903-8573">+1 (732) 903-8573</a>&nbsp;or click on the blue&nbsp;BOOK NOW&nbsp;button to start your healing journey, today!</strong></h3>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-dont-commit/">Love Letters | Don&#8217;t Commit</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
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		<title>Love Letters &#124; When Your Yes Means NO</title>
		<link>https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-when-your-yes-means-no/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=love-letters-when-your-yes-means-no</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Sensei Victoria Whitfield]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Jun 2015 16:05:57 +0000</pubDate>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://victoriawhitfield.com/?p=1538</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Do you have a hard time saying "no" to people? Always end up kicking yourself afterward, because you're too quick to say "yes" when others ask you if you can do something for them? Wondering why you have trouble knowing and respecting your own boundaries? Chronic people-pleasing behavior comes from our core human desires for [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-when-your-yes-means-no/">Love Letters | When Your Yes Means NO</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h1><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/P6pfBrJg1xo?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></h1>
<h2><span style="color: #800080;"><em>Do you have a hard time saying "no" to people?</em></span></h2>
<h2><em>Always end up kicking yourself afterward, because you're too quick to say "yes" when others ask you if you can do something for them?</em></h2>
<h2><em>Wondering why you have trouble knowing and respecting your own boundaries?</em></h2>
<p>Chronic people-pleasing behavior comes from our core human desires for significance and approval.</p>
<p>It's natural to want to feel significant and approved of, but it's a whole other can of wormy worms when you're dependent on others to feel emotionally secure.</p>
<p><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>Watch the above video to embrace the fact that your yes actually means no sometimes, and what to do about it!<br />
</strong></span></p>
<p><span id="more-1538"></span></p>
<p style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: #800080;"><b>"Can you do this for me? -- YEAH SURE!"</b></span></p>
<p>It's like a knee-jerk reaction.</p>
<p>The YES! comes flying out before you can check your schedule, before you have considered your current workload and commitments, and before you can even blink.</p>
<p><strong>And we wonder why we feel so overwhelmed lately...</strong></p>
<p>All of a sudden your workday is jampacked, you're wearing 5 hats in the office, and then when you get home you're putting out fires, going to parties with people you're not really interested in to keep up appearances of being "social" and "normal," the dishes and laundry are piling up, your socks have holes in them and your shoes and underpants are falling apart....</p>
<p>Meanwhile, everyone around you says you're a "good friend," a "good mom" and you "work hard" and that they love you for "always being there."&nbsp;In fact, whenever they hear that someone needs something done, they'll send them to you to do it for them, too!</p>
<p>That's quite beautiful on one hand to be so connected, involved and loved, however sometimes being so over-committed can catch up with you.</p>
<p><strong>Your health and self-care are the first to go. Suddenly you've found that you're exhausted all the time, and you're not sleeping at night because you just can't turn off your mind.</strong></p>
<p>Thoughts are racing through your head late at night when you should be sound asleep&nbsp;about the next thing that you "have to do" or "has to get done" around the house, at the office, or for so-in-so up the street, etc.</p>
<p>To stay organized and create some sense of order, you write up lists on sticky notes and pieces of paper and revel in the juiceyfulness of CROSSING OUT tasks when you finish them. YES!</p>
<p>And sometimes, when no one's looking... you'll even add a few tasks on to your existing lists just so you can cross them out immediately and feel EVEN MORE&nbsp;accomplished...</p>
<p><strong>Is this sounding familiar yet? Maybe I'm the only one. 😉</strong></p>
<p>Believe it or not, being addicted to solving other people's problems is actually a form of controlling and avoidant behavior.</p>
<p>Here's how it goes: if you can crowd your life with other people's issues and opinions, you can</p>
<p>1) "have a hand in" (read: "control") part of their lives, and that will make you feel personally significant--even if that significance is temporary and externally determined or artificial, and</p>
<p>2) you can also avoid confronting and healing your own internal insecurities and deep-seated emotional wounds, because you're too busy dealing with other people's stuff.</p>
<p><strong>Having a Savior Complex therefore is an emotional Get-Out-Of-Jail-FREE Card! YAY!</strong></p>
<p>Now, I'm not saying you should never help people and turn into a selfish, angry hermit crab. No.</p>
<p><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>However you should learn to honor YOURSELF and YOUR NEEDS when making a decision to lend a hand or get involved with others' projects.<br />
</strong></span></p>
<p>You see, you don't have to save everybody who comes across your path.</p>
<p>Read any comic book or watch any movie about superheros, and that's one of the biggest lessons they have to learn too--you can't save everybody. It's about teamwork AND facing your own inner demons in the process, too.</p>
<p><strong>One way you can combat overwhelm or caregiver's fatigue is by studying and practicing using a magickal two-letter word: "No."</strong></p>
<p>You actually already say No now, while you're saying Yes--internally, that is.</p>
<h3>Know this: <span style="color: #008080;">Saying NO to you is saying YES to me. #selfcare #boundaries&nbsp;#love<br />
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<p>Ever had the experience of your boss or a client or someone asking you to do something, and you said "Yes" out loud, but you felt uncomfortable in your body while doing it?</p>
<p>THAT is an example of when your Yes really means NO.</p>
<p>You see, your body never lies. And your emotions express themselves constantly to you through the sensations of your body through what is called your "gut feelings" or "listening to your heart"--notice the bodily organs: heart, gut.</p>
<p><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Where we get lost is when we tune to and value other people's feelings moreso than our own--our own point of view gets lost in the sauce.<br />
</strong></span></p>
<p>The "sauce" of empathic overwhelm, that is. And that's when our mind-body sponge becomes saturated by other's thoughts and feelings so much that we can't hear our own anymore.</p>
<p>Most people describe empathic overwhelm as "I need to get rid of all this negativity" or "I need clarity" or "I'm just so stressed out, I can't think straight" -- it's all the same.</p>
<p><em><strong>Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows us what's the spiritual reason for WHY you're saying "yes" when you really mean "NO!"</strong></em></p>
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<p><strong>In Love and Light,</strong></p>
<p><strong>Victoria.</strong></p>
<p><strong><a href="http://www.victoriawhitfield.com">VictoriaWhitfield.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield">Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield</a></strong></p>
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<p><strong><em>Just for Today...</em></strong></p>
<p><strong>Notice if you are aware of your needs and how you feel the next time someone asks you to do something today. You are nobody's servant and nobody's slave.<br />
</strong></p>
<p><strong>When someone asks you to do something today (that isn't about a life-threatening situation), buy yourself some time to check in with yourself and say "Let me see. I'll get back to you on that." And set a time later on, after you've tuned in to YOUR schedule, needs and feelings, to update them...<br />
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<p><strong><em>Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!</em></strong></p>
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<p><span style="color: #008000;"><strong>SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!</strong></span></p>
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<h2><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>Want to stop being a doormat but don't know where to start? Tell me!</strong></span></h2>
<h3><strong>Give me a call at 732-903-8573 or click on the blue <a href="http://senseivictoriawhitfield.fullslate.com">BOOK NOW</a> button to start your healing journey, today!</strong></h3>
<p>The post <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com/love-letters-when-your-yes-means-no/">Love Letters | When Your Yes Means NO</a> appeared first on <a href="https://victoriawhitfield.com">Sensei Victoria Whitfield</a>.</p>
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