personal responsibility Archives - Sensei Victoria Whitfield

Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage – Part 5 of 5

Sensei Victoria Whitfield — Mon, 29 Jun 2020 05:00:19 +0000

Are you, or is someone you know, a workaholic?

Worried that if you say "no" when people who ask for help, that you'll be mean or they won't like you?

Drowning in projects and things to manage, at work AND at home?

It's easier to just give in and say "yes" and be seen as helpful, than to stand your ground and say "no" and be seen as possibly selfish.

But when we do that, we add another project on to our already overwhelmed plate of "helpfulness" - perhaps this is more than just being helpful, perhaps it's now an addiction.

Watch this week's 15-minute love letter for the fifth and final installment in our 5-week deep dive on self care versus self sabotage to send healing to our relationship with (personal and professional) help-a-holism.

"I never feel like I'm doing enough."

We've been on a five-week-long deep dive into the dance that we empaths do between self-care and self-sabotage. All the different ways that we stand in the way of shining our light to our fullest potential. I'm really grateful. I just want to thank you for tuning in for week five.

I want to thank you for all your support over the years, of the love letters, my gosh. What? We're going on four or five years straight of love letters. I just want to thank you for your continued support.

This week in particular, we're going to focus on self-sabotage around workaholism and help-a-holism, fix-a-holism. Helping, and fixing, and putting out all the fires, and working all the limbs all day. Those of us who are highly sensitive individuals who are naturally empathic, who are naturally intuitive. Last week we discovered your call to be a healer, your call to healing leadership. You're sensitive for that reason.

But this week is the dark side of that, where you can be so driven to help, and to fix, and to take care give, and to take responsibility; but you lose yourself. Not only lose yourself, you may even hurt yourself. Be kind yourself, if this is you. This last one, baby, is for you. This is our swan song, yes?

Workaholism, guides say that the soul craving behind that, or that the hidden feeling driver behind helping everybody, and fixing everything, and working constantly. The addiction to work, and projecting.

Not just projecting stuff, we're projecting people, like in your relationships, yes, yes? Maybe this isn't you, maybe we're talking about somebody else. We can pretend.

But, maybe let that obsession with being everybody's caregiver, taking care of everybody and everything. What's the hidden driver behind that?

And the guides say that it is the feeling of, "I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I am good when I am doing. I am only good when I am doing."

Doing good, doing stuff for other people, pleasing others, when I'm gaining approval. Yes, yes? When I'm gaining recognition, I am worthy based on my output ... which is faulty.

Yes, it is good to do good things and to help others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be helping other people, and that you should be like, "All right, screw you all, I'm going home." Right? Pulling a Cartman. No, that's not what we're talking about here.

As much as that sounds fabulous to one of you ... I just heard someone in the energies saying, "I want to tell everyone, 'Go away.'" If that's you ... Bear with me, we're going to make it through this.

But, what's also coming up behind that, as your working, working, working and saying yes to everything; the flipside is the fear of saying, "no." Our lack of boundaries is fueling this relentless need for approval and affirmation. In the workplace, or in the eyes of someone that you helped, or getting to see their transformation so you feel worthy, because they had an outcome or you had an impact on them.

What happens, however, when there's nothing to do, no one to save, nothing to fix? The big question is, are you still worthy? Are you still lovable? Are you still acceptable? Are you still good? Are you still okay, as a person if you don't have something to do, something to do, something to do? This is a big one. When we have this addiction, this also expresses as a lack of boundaries.

What are boundaries? This is the million-dollar word for every single empath like, ever: boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines that separate what is you and what is not you; what is yours and what is not yours.

Now, from a spiritual perspective, yes, there is the universal law of oneness, which says, "All that is, is one." But that doesn't mean you have to do everything all the time, or that everything that's yours belongs to everybody else, or that you don't have any selfness. You don't have a worth because you don't have a self.

No. That's not what that is saying. Instead, that's just to appreciate the interconnectedness and interdependence of all of life, and all that is. However, we're talking about this turning into co dependence. Codependency is when you depend on someone or something outside of you for a sense of emotional security, to give you your emotional security, or even your identity. You're depending on them.

Click to share the Tweet of the Week:

Know this: Codependents need to DO stuff to feel worthy. Who are you without your projects?

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Workaholism, for example, my dad was a lawyer, I'm a lawyer, my kids are going to be a lawyer. If I ever lose this job, I don't know what I'm gonna do; where your job defines your personality. That's a codependent relationship. That means that you are at risk of losing yourself if that thing shifts at all. You've given all your power over to the thing that you are dependent upon.

Be kind to yourself if this is speaking to you. I don't know who this message is for, but I'm sharing it anyway, following spirit's guidance. With that, also, where we have the sense of addiction to getting things done and putting out fires, putting out fires putting out fires. Whenever we put out a fire, we get that little bit of, "Yay, I did it." And that, "Yay," is what we're addicted to, of winning and the feedback loop of, "I'm putting out and I'm receiving, putting out and I'm receiving."

That's why so many men end up becoming not present at home, because the job is what gives them recognition and affirmation constantly, and you come home to a wife that is just not paying attention, and not able to give you that feedback. It is, unfortunately, natural to become addicted more to work, where you're recognized, and you feel like you have an impact in the relationship more with your job than your own partner. Scary.

That happens to women, too, I'm not just talking about men, okay. I hear my guide saying, "This happens to the ladies, too," where work or the kids become more important than their partner, because there's something to work on. There's always something. The mom-ness becomes the identity rather than yourself being your identity, becoming codependent to the children.

Be kind to yourself if this is you. Now, this week in particular, the guides are saying, "How do we get out of this?" This addiction to working and losing ourself without our boundaries. Well, is to have values. This week in particular, you want to focus on writing out a list of what your core, desired feelings and your most prioritized values are in life. Allow your schedule to be according to what you prioritize most, what you value the most.

First things first, as they say. I believe that's in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Put first things first. Is family really important to you? If so, where is family in your schedule? This week, we want to put, "What are your core desired feelings?" I want to feel free, I want to feel abundant, I want to feel loved, I want to feel sensual. Where are those feelings in how you spend your time each day? Rather than letting the thing that you are co dependently addicted to, such as the work or the caregiving, et cetera rather than letting only that determine how you spend your time.

This is going to shift your relationship with your workaholism. Your addiction is going shift. If you can just get clear on, "What are your core, desired feelings, and what are your most prioritized values?"

We forget, we're in that tunnel of, "I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff. I'm so productive, I'm so busy. I'm doing all this busy stuff." There's a difference between being busy and actually being in business. There's a difference between being busy and actually being focused.

This, our core, desired feelings and our most prioritized values are what are going to help us clarify that. To end, Doreen Virtue, Angel Therapy; yet another one of our Doreen Virtue decks. Angels, what we need to know this week? To round off our five-week deep dive into the dance between self sabotage and self care. "Listen to your intuitive feelings."

Listen to your intuitive feelings. Your body is receiving accurate messages from the divine. This is perfect, given what we're talking about.

One of the main reasons why we can get stuck in, or create stuck-ness in a codependent, workaholic, fixaholic relationship is because we'll drown out the sensations of our body. We're not in touch. We're not in touch with ... "Oh, my neck is starting to hurt because it's 10:00 PM and I'm still at work."

We'll just keep going, going, going. Or, you know what? I actually ... I'm not really hungry for that extra candy bar, as we talked ... The second week was food. I'm not actually hungry for that chocolate candy bar. Actually, I'm craving love and affection.

Instead of shoving a chocolate candy bar down my throat so I can stay working at the computer all the livelong day, instead I'm going to reach out to receive some physical touch, or love and affection from a loved one. Listen to your feelings.

Your sensitivity is your strength here, and it's the gateway to your next level in life. Send me an email back, comment below. Let me know what's coming up for you around this, and how has this series been for you?

Are you liking the multi-week deep dives? Let me know, let me know.

Source has been telling me that you and I have got to develop a deeper relationship, and go deeper into the information, rather than just doing one idea a week. Nah, let's go there. Let's go there together, okay?

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters every week, and I'll see you next time. Muah, bye

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Put first things, first.

Write a list of your core values and core desired feelings, and see if you're spending your time each day accordingly.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business.

Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen.

Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...

The post Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage – Part 5 of 5 appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Love Letters | Permission to Proceed

Sensei Victoria Whitfield — Mon, 05 Jun 2017 12:00:12 +0000

Waiting for the right moment to present itself?

Wondering when you should make that move you've been thinking of for some time now?

Want to go for your goal, but don't know if you're ready yet?

Source says you have permission to proceed this week!

But there's more to moving forward with your plans than you think.

Watch this week's 7-minute Love Letter video to better understand how to get going on that new opportunity the Universe is sending you!

"When do I tell them that I care about them?"

This week, Source wants to let you know, that you have permission to proceed.

You've got it. You ready? Incoming permission slip, right through the screen to you right now. You have permission to proceed.

The Guides are saying that it's been a long time coming, that you've been wondering:

- "When do I get to know if I'm ready yet?"

- "When do I get to know if this is the right time for me to move forward with that vision that I've been having?"

- "When do I move forward with the goals that I've been setting for myself?"

- "When do I start that new cleanse program or exercise program?"

- "When do I tell them that I care about them, and express my feelings?"

- "When do I buy into that program or treatment package that I have been thinking about?"

"When do I set up that vacation, or a conference ticket? When do I book my flight?"

You have permission to proceed. This is what the Guides want to transmit to you, in particular today.

We want to be specific: you have permission to proceed for yourself. This has to do with only you.

Make sure to temper a bit of that enthusiasm you're getting: "All right, yes, I can change him." No, no, no! That is not what we're talking about.

The Energy says though YOU have permission to proceed.

If you're feeling like you've been holding back a compulsion whether or not you should give that suggestion to that person or give them that constructive criticism feedback, etc. Source says, you can only proceed forward if you get their explicit permission.

If you have a push to really want to tell someone, "You need to do this" or "You need to do this better," the reason why you have that push, is because that advice is for you.

The reason why that's happening is because that is meant for you to heal your life. People are sacred mirrors of your own spiritual energy.

Have you asked yourself why you're so worried about the suggestion that you're trying to give that other person? Are you really living it yourself yet?

Know this: Worry will die when you increase your faith. Go for it this week and trust yourself! @SenseiWhitfield

This message is especially to those of you who are friends, spouses coaches, mentors, managers; it's for those in an authority role who are reading right now, who give incredible, insightful, awesome advice, that can sometimes be given unwarranted. Be kind to yourself if that's you.

It's time that you step out first in that direction rather than just tossing your advice or your suggestions on someone without getting that person's permission first.

You have permission to proceed forward with the advice that you desire to give. Go ahead and implement it.

For the rest of us who are not necessarily about giving advice, this message is different because it pertains to a new goal or initiative that you've been working on; yes, you're worthy, you're okay, move forward.

The Guides are telling me now to pull from the Oracle Cards deck. "Angel Answers" is a yes-no deck, one of many donated decks here at the Dojo.

(You can always send donations to The Dojo by emailing me at senseivictoriawhitefield@gmail.com if you would like to donate an oracle card deck that you just don't really use anymore.)

Angels, what do we really need to know right now about permission to proceed? This feels strong. "No Need to Worry;" this is so big.

This basically hits the nail on the head and this is why we're going to leave off.

The reason why we need permission to proceed is because we're worrying ourselves into a tizzy.

It's okay. You can go forward, let go of worry. Worry only happens when you are trying to control something that is outside of your energy. Trust your gut.

Worry will die when you increase your faith. If only just for now, believe that there's no need to worry.

Let it go, and take a step of faith forward in the direction of whatever Source is guiding you towards.

I'm curious to hear what's coming for you hearing this week's message. If it spoke to you, let me know. I love feedback.

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your Love Letters first every week.

See you next time. Bye!

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Take your own advice; the guidance you're getting is meant for you.

If you're itching to change someone's behavior and "coach" them on what they should be doing, try doing your suggestion yourself first before telling them.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want spiritual support on your healing journey but don't know where to start? Tell me!

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The post Love Letters | Permission to Proceed appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.