Do you have a hard time saying "no" to people?

Always end up kicking yourself afterward, because you're too quick to say "yes" when others ask you if you can do something for them?

Wondering why you have trouble knowing and respecting your own boundaries?

Chronic people-pleasing behavior comes from our core human desires for significance and approval.

It's natural to want to feel significant and approved of, but it's a whole other can of wormy worms when you're dependent on others to feel emotionally secure.

Watch the above video to embrace the fact that your yes actually means no sometimes, and what to do about it!

"Can you do this for me? -- YEAH SURE!"

It's like a knee-jerk reaction.

The YES! comes flying out before you can check your schedule, before you have considered your current workload and commitments, and before you can even blink.

And we wonder why we feel so overwhelmed lately...

All of a sudden your workday is jampacked, you're wearing 5 hats in the office, and then when you get home you're putting out fires, going to parties with people you're not really interested in to keep up appearances of being "social" and "normal," the dishes and laundry are piling up, your socks have holes in them and your shoes and underpants are falling apart....

Meanwhile, everyone around you says you're a "good friend," a "good mom" and you "work hard" and that they love you for "always being there." In fact, whenever they hear that someone needs something done, they'll send them to you to do it for them, too!

That's quite beautiful on one hand to be so connected, involved and loved, however sometimes being so over-committed can catch up with you.

Your health and self-care are the first to go. Suddenly you've found that you're exhausted all the time, and you're not sleeping at night because you just can't turn off your mind.

Thoughts are racing through your head late at night when you should be sound asleep about the next thing that you "have to do" or "has to get done" around the house, at the office, or for so-in-so up the street, etc.

To stay organized and create some sense of order, you write up lists on sticky notes and pieces of paper and revel in the juiceyfulness of CROSSING OUT tasks when you finish them. YES!

And sometimes, when no one's looking... you'll even add a few tasks on to your existing lists just so you can cross them out immediately and feel EVEN MORE accomplished...

Is this sounding familiar yet? Maybe I'm the only one. 😉

Believe it or not, being addicted to solving other people's problems is actually a form of controlling and avoidant behavior.

Here's how it goes: if you can crowd your life with other people's issues and opinions, you can

1) "have a hand in" (read: "control") part of their lives, and that will make you feel personally significant--even if that significance is temporary and externally determined or artificial, and

2) you can also avoid confronting and healing your own internal insecurities and deep-seated emotional wounds, because you're too busy dealing with other people's stuff.

Having a Savior Complex therefore is an emotional Get-Out-Of-Jail-FREE Card! YAY!

Now, I'm not saying you should never help people and turn into a selfish, angry hermit crab. No.

However you should learn to honor YOURSELF and YOUR NEEDS when making a decision to lend a hand or get involved with others' projects.

You see, you don't have to save everybody who comes across your path.

Read any comic book or watch any movie about superheros, and that's one of the biggest lessons they have to learn too--you can't save everybody. It's about teamwork AND facing your own inner demons in the process, too.

One way you can combat overwhelm or caregiver's fatigue is by studying and practicing using a magickal two-letter word: "No."

You actually already say No now, while you're saying Yes--internally, that is.

Know this: Saying NO to you is saying YES to me. #selfcare #boundaries #love

Ever had the experience of your boss or a client or someone asking you to do something, and you said "Yes" out loud, but you felt uncomfortable in your body while doing it?

THAT is an example of when your Yes really means NO.

You see, your body never lies. And your emotions express themselves constantly to you through the sensations of your body through what is called your "gut feelings" or "listening to your heart"--notice the bodily organs: heart, gut.

Where we get lost is when we tune to and value other people's feelings moreso than our own--our own point of view gets lost in the sauce.

The "sauce" of empathic overwhelm, that is. And that's when our mind-body sponge becomes saturated by other's thoughts and feelings so much that we can't hear our own anymore.

Most people describe empathic overwhelm as "I need to get rid of all this negativity" or "I need clarity" or "I'm just so stressed out, I can't think straight" -- it's all the same.

Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows us what's the spiritual reason for WHY you're saying "yes" when you really mean "NO!"

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Notice if you are aware of your needs and how you feel the next time someone asks you to do something today. You are nobody's servant and nobody's slave.

When someone asks you to do something today (that isn't about a life-threatening situation), buy yourself some time to check in with yourself and say "Let me see. I'll get back to you on that." And set a time later on, after you've tuned in to YOUR schedule, needs and feelings, to update them...

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want to stop being a doormat but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give me a call at 732-903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

Spirit Warrior Shamanic Healing Retreat 2015

Are you ready to step into being a natural shamanic healer?

Attracted to Native American aesthetic, music and ritual?

Want to take charge of your own healing and clearing?

If so, then this retreat is for you!

Join us at the Spirit Warrior Shamanic Healing Retreat on May 31st! Continue or begin your shamanic healing training and deepen your spiritual connection to Earth!

“Humans have been using shamanic methods for healing and problem-solving for many thousands of years across all inhabited continents and in a wide variety of cultures—not because these people were naive or ignorant, but because they worked. […]

Many become shamanic healers and work to heal individuals suffering from physical, emotional, and spiritual illnesses. Others use shamanic methods to heal in their communities, bringing the power of the helping spirits to issues such as violence, conflict, or environmental pollution. Some use shamanic methods in a more personal way, to help improve their own lives, to be more at peace, resolve troubled relationships or past suffering—to bring freedom, creativity, and joy into their lives.” 

- Susan Mokelke, J.D., Foundation for Shamanic Studies

As a lightworker, you know and feel that there’s a spiritual war going on out there now, between the energy of love & light, and separation & confusion. The ancient earth-based spiritual practice of shamanic healing is resurging now during our technocentric time, to heal our connection to Earth and aid in restoring natural spiritual connection, communication and power.

This month’s retreat builds on the power of the shamanic journey, upgrading it from simply being a divination tool that allows you to psychic read yourself, to a even more powerful tool for healing oneself and others! Don’t miss this one!

WHAT YOU'LL GET:

1. 5 Hours of Reiki, Channeled Guidance and Counseling with Sensei Victoria Whitfield (Value $500)
2. Discussion: You Are A Spirit Warrior In This Lifetime (Value $100)
3. Holy Fire Karuna Reiki Deep Meditation: The Holy Love Experience for Deep Earth Grounding (Value $150)
4. Cleansing and Grounding Vegan Lunch & Live Juicing (Value $50)
5. Training in Self-Healing Shamanic Journeys & Spirit Guidance (Value $200)
6. Training in Shamanic Psychic Surgery (Value $200)
7. Training in Native American Self, Space & Object Clearing (Value $150)
8. Ample time for practice, journaling and sharing with kindred spirits...

Total Value = Over $1300

But tickets for the day cost ONLY $147!

Why? Because I love you 🙂

LOGISTICS:

Date: Sunday, May 31st

Time: 10:00am - 3:00pm (5 hours)

Location: Sensei Victoria Whitfield's Reiki Dojo at 523 Westfield Avenue, Third Floor in Westfield, NJ. (No-shoes facility; please bring socks. In-person attendance only.)

Bring: Pen and pad for journaling, scarf for meditation, and a rattle or something that makes a loud noise when shaken.

Tickets: $147 Seekers; $97 Students -- $97 deposit required to reserve your space, due by April 24th. (Limited space; 10 person max).

RSVP ONLINE by 11:59pm on Wednesday, May 20th and receive the retreat recording for FREE!

Reserve your seat online NOW 

http://senseivictoriawhitfield.fullslate.com/services/81

 CONTACT VICTORIA:

Email: SenseiVictoriaWhitfield@gmail.com

Phone: 732.903.8573

Spirit Warrior

Shamanic Healing Retreat

Tired of feeling overwhelmed emotionally and spiritually day in and day out?

Have you always been attracted to Native American aesthetic, music and ritual?

Want to take charge of your own energetic healing and clearing?

T h e n   t h i s   r e t r e a t   i s   f o r   y o u !

RSVP now for the Spirit Warrior Shamanic Healing Retreat on Sunday, May 25th. Continue or begin your healing training and deepen your spiritual connection to Earth.

At this retreat you will learn basic, ancient Native American techniques for:

- Self-Healing Shamanic Journeys

- Psychic Surgery for Removing Blocks, Negativity & Illness

- Self, Space and Object Cleansing

WHAT YOU'LL GET:

1) 5 Hours of Reiki, Coaching and Channeled Guidance with Sensei Victoria Whitfield ($500)

2) A Reiki Detox Attunement for removing blocks from and connecting you to healing energies of the Earth (Value $150) (Voluntary)

3) Cleansing and Grounding Vegan Lunch and Live Juicing (Value $50)

4) Guidance through Self-Healing Shamanic Journey & Spirit Guide Activation (Value $200)

5) Training in Native American Psychic Surgery (Value $200)

6) Training in Native American Self, Space and Object Cleansing (Value $150)

7) Ample Time for Practice, Journaling and Sharing

Date: Sunday, May 25th
Time: 10:00am - 3:00pm (5 hours)
Location: Sensei Victoria Whitfield's Reiki Dojo, 523 Westfield Ave, 3rd Floor, Westfield NJ 07080 (Event is not be available for online attendance; in-person attendance only)

Tickets: $197 -- $50 to reserve your space due by May. 15. (Space is limited; 10 person max.)

ONLY 4 SEATS LEFT!

RSVP NOW Online: senseivictoriawhitfield.fullslate.com

If you can't make it to this month's retreat, let me know you want to be on the Interest List so you can be the first to know! Also, if you are ready to commit to taking charge of your energetic health NOW and don't want to wait, you can always set up an individual session schedule by clicking on the BOOK NOW button at the bottom of this email.
What or who are you waiting for? Get started!

You deserve to be your own hero and protector. You are your Guardian Angel.

Don't back down. Let that negativity and darkness hear you ROAR!

Woo! I get such intense chills singing and listening to this song! I'm one big goosebump!