Have you ever felt helpless?

And did that experience warp your ability to trust yourself and others?

Concerned that you can't tell the difference between self-care and self-sabotage because of what happened to you?

Sometimes bad things happen to good people... I know.

Yet Source wants you to know that all things can - and do - work together to form greater good in our lives.

Watch this week's 11-minute Love Letter to hear my story of overcoming a very dark time in my life and how I healed from cycles of self-sabotage to embracing a lifestyle of self-care and healing.

"I only smoke because it helps me cool off."

We're continuing the series, sourced this time around has asked to continue you and I building a deeper relationship and a deeper understanding about certain concepts that come up in our spiritual lives.

This series is going to be a five week series around the dark side of self-care. Woohoo. I'm so excited.

I am so excited to bring you to the dark side of self-care. What that basically looks like is self-sabotage.

Now this first week in particular the guides have asked me to share more of my story.

I just finished a session with a new client. I'm so excited for her. It's amazing what inspires people to begin their healing journey. She's beginning a new six month healing journey, Sojourner healing journey, which means she's coming in for an hour, a private hour a month for me. She also gets unlimited meditation classes here at the dojo.

It's so interesting to hear people's stories of what inspires them to begin to heal. What motivates you to really begin healing.

It was just fascinating sharing with her some of my story of what caused me to get into all of this in the first place.

Believe it or not, it comes from actually my pain.

Simon Sinek, very beautifully says that your big why comes from your pain more often than not.

For me, it was a series of three breakups that caused me to break open. The first one was someone that I thought I was going to be with. The whole soulmate situation that you think you have and then turns out sleeping with your coworker and calls you on your wedding day to ask how are you? One.

Two, the next one broke me open again because of the color of my skin. He had decided that we couldn't be together because of the color of my skin. That also compounded my perspective.

Then unfortunately the third one that really broke me open was when I got date raped. Yes, I'm sharing that with you.

No, I'm not happy about what happened to me. I honor the fact that these were the events that grabbed my attention that something is not quite right.

Now maybe you grew up with a history of abuse or maybe you grew up with alcoholic parents or that sort of a thing.

Something happened in our lives that forced us to take a stand and say, "Wait a minute. I don't like this. I don't like this." Right?

It's those moments where you put your foot down and say, "No more. I'm not going to be beaten anymore" or, "I'm not going to select people who would do these kinds of things to me anymore."

One of my first spiritual teachers her question to me, that changed my life, was: "what is the pattern in you that's creating this situation?"

This is where we get into our five week deep dive around self-sabotage.

When I look back into those dark times in my life where I would have suicidal thoughts and would be sleeping at around 22 hours a day, only getting up to go to the bathroom and have a sip of water, trying to escape, escape, escape there were things that I was doing to self-soothe that within my compressed mindset I thought were good for me.

When you have a compressed, like as in a really limited mindset, bad stuff you can't really tell that that's bad for you.

Some of the ways that I used to self-soothe but actually turned out being self-sabotage ... Well, one it was the constant sleeping. Also, I used to chain-smoke Clove cigarettes, the black ones. Like talk about breathing death. Emotional stuffing. I used to live on Twix and Chex-Mix and nothing else except for Captain Morgan's spiced rum and Malibu coconut rum. I remember. I'm so happy that I'm sober now.

There's these things that, "I'll just have a drink so that I can soothe" or escape, get rid of this negativity, or, "Let me go have a smoke. Let me cool off." Or, "Let me just check out." There's so many things that we do to soothe ourselves that within a limited and a compressed point of view feel pleasurable and we interpret them as good even though they're working against us.

Now there was also another form of self-sabotage I would do at the time. I would work around 12 hours or so a day at a really, really toxic job. Like screaming bosses that were financial abusers as in dangling your pay check over your head in order to get you to do things that are completely outside of your principles.

Be kind to yourself if as I invoke the darker side of my story that this is resonating for you like, "Ooh, ooh, I still do some of that, Victoria" ... This is not to say like, "I'm good and you're bad." No.

I want you to know that I've been through some things and when I'm going to talk to you over the next few weeks around self-sabotage versus self-care there's some history there. I'm only tapping on the tip of the iceberg here with respect to your energy.

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Know this: Be kind to yourself. What motivates great healing is usually great pain.

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My story is my story and it's made me who I am. Here's the light in the darkness is that when you start self-soothing you can choose to raise the vibration of the forms of self-soothing that you do.

For example, I remember even when I was still chain-smoking I started learning more about crystals and oracle cards. "Well, you know, maybe this will help me feel better." It was something positive about these cards or I feel the energy when I'm holding this crystal. I don't know what the heck it is. I'm going to get into that in the next few weeks.

That was the turning point. It was following things that brought me joy and uplifted me in the self-soothing cycle. It's natural.

I want you to know this and watch this in yourself this week.

Watch the way that you soothe yourself, whether it's positive or negative. Just notice how do you soothe yourself when you're feeling bored, when you're feeling depressed, empty, anxious, angry, unacknowledged, lonely, et cetera. How do you soothe yourself? It is positive things? Or negative?

Most of us have a mixture of both. By the way, at the filming of this video I still have some not so good things, such as eating chocolate and ice cream, that is harmful against my body. As well as doing hours of meditation, grounding out in nature, doing reiki. I have a mixture.

This is called being human. I want us to have a deep dive now for the next five weeks around honoring that self-care versus self-sabotage dance that we're all doing.

I know that you're doing it. If you clicked play on this video chances are you're a natural empath. You're already sensitive to the energy and trying to figure out how to cope with all this energetic overload. We're going to confront this head-on.

We're going to dive deep together. I can't wait to see you next week and hear what you think.

Comment below. Tell me what's coming up for you around this.

Do you have a story that you wanted to share, by the way? Did my story bring up some of yours? I would love to witness you in sharing your story, privately, just to honor you. We don't want to post all that out in social media and all over the place.

Send me an email back and let me know and I'd be happy to set up a share your story call so that we can hold space for you speaking your truth for the first time.

I know it's tough. I feel you but we're going to get through this together.

Are you ready for this? Five weeks. Five weeks. Let's do this. Self-care versus self-sabotage. Going to the dark side. Whoop, whoop. Shining light so that we can all grow together. I'm sending you so much love and I'll see you next week. Bye.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Watch the way that you soothe yourself.

Track what you do to soothe negative feelings, to observe if it’s positive self-care or negative self-sabotage behavior..

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

-

Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business.

Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen.

Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...

The post Love Letters | Self Care vs. Self Sabotage – Part 1 of 5 appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Have you lost track of how many certifications and degrees you've gotten, yet still feel like it's not enough for what you want to do?

Constantly reading more books and articles on personal development and happiness, and feeling frustrated that you still feel like you're always starting at square one?

Wondering when you'll be prepared or qualified enough to finally go for your dream?

In school and in the media they tell us that "knowledge is power." But it seems like the more we learn, the less we know, and the more inadequate we feel.

If that's how it works, then how can we get to feel powerful and adequate?

Watch the above video to explore why knowledge by itself is NOT power!

"Congrats grad! Now on to the next thing..."

In grade school we would have rites of passage ceremonies to commemorate certain levels of learning.

Having these graduations helps to anchor the feeling of self-worth and achievement in our energy, so we know we are worthy of taking our next steps.

The power in the ritual of graduation ceremonies is not just the celebration, but the sense of closure they bring.

Otherwise, we feel like we are not enough.

How do you know you've had enough middle school? Eighth grade graduation. How do you know you've had enough high school? High school graduation. How do you know you've had enough college? Again, college graduation.

But what happens after you've gotten your doctorate and still are looking for what's next? Or what happens when you stop getting recognized for all you've learned--like at work during the rest of your adult life?

Here's the thing: externally derived closure will never really satisfy you.

The desire  for more--to know more, achieve more, experience more, have more, etc.--is insatiable.

Now, in terms of your education this is all well and good--to have a healthy curiosity and thirst for knowledge--at first, but if we start using the search for knowledge as an excuse to put off taking action, that's where it gets problematic.

Maybe this post isn't for you. Maybe you're already clear on what you want  to do with your life, how you'll do it, and when you'll start.

However, if you feel like you're going to classes and getting degrees and certifications and don't still know why, or are still wondering when you're going to finally find and live your purpose, then keep reading.

The insatiable pursuit of more--specifically around information and knowledge--can turn from healthy curiosity to unhealthy addiction.

It's an addiction to consumption and preparation, because we are avoiding the big brown elephant in the room:

You have to take action.

And here's exactly where knowledge alone is not power.

That phrase is misleading. Sure, we all want to empower ourselves and "know" how to make our lives better.

But knowing alone isn't enough--to really see your life shift for the better, you have to actually apply the knowledge you've got.

Think of it this way: imagine that a storm is coming and you know it will knock out everyone's electricity for at least a week, if not several weeks.

So, to prepare for the storm, you start stockpiling candles, flashlights and lanterns. As many as you can grab. And it makes you feel safe and like you are doing good while you buy them.

The storm comes. The lights go out. And then you realize that in the rush, you forget to buy lighters and batteries.

And here you are, with hundreds of candles and flashlights, but no way to turn any of them on--surrounded by potential for so much light, but no way to actually use any of it.

You see that? You could have all the knowledge in the world, but if you don't take action, or "turn it on" so-to-speak, you're just hoarding potential energy.

Know this: Knowledge alone is not power; it's potential energy. Be the catalyst and take action! #success #selfhelp

Spirit this week is saying that you've been avoiding taking action on something you've been studying and preparing for over the years.

Perhaps it's a move, starting a business, teaching a class or giving a lecture, etc.

There's something in your heart that you keep telling yourself "I'm not good enough yet" just because you may not have a PhD or 30 years experience. Believe it or not, telling yourself that negative story is protecting you from changing your life.

Learning more and more is fun indeed, but it can turn into a delay tactic that enables you to avoid taking action on realizing your dreams and goals.

Why do we do this? Because we're searching for permission to graduate.

You can give yourself permission now and become the Catalyst for all that potential energy you've stored up. Now's the time!

Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows how we hide from taking action and what to do about it!

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Think of a topic you've studied at length, professionally or for pleasure.

Then ask yourself: "How would I teach this to someone if I had to do so?" And write out your process for teaching it.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want to be the Catalyst of your life but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give me a call at 732-903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | Knowledge Is Not Power appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Do you have a hard time saying "no" to people?

Always end up kicking yourself afterward, because you're too quick to say "yes" when others ask you if you can do something for them?

Wondering why you have trouble knowing and respecting your own boundaries?

Chronic people-pleasing behavior comes from our core human desires for significance and approval.

It's natural to want to feel significant and approved of, but it's a whole other can of wormy worms when you're dependent on others to feel emotionally secure.

Watch the above video to embrace the fact that your yes actually means no sometimes, and what to do about it!

"Can you do this for me? -- YEAH SURE!"

It's like a knee-jerk reaction.

The YES! comes flying out before you can check your schedule, before you have considered your current workload and commitments, and before you can even blink.

And we wonder why we feel so overwhelmed lately...

All of a sudden your workday is jampacked, you're wearing 5 hats in the office, and then when you get home you're putting out fires, going to parties with people you're not really interested in to keep up appearances of being "social" and "normal," the dishes and laundry are piling up, your socks have holes in them and your shoes and underpants are falling apart....

Meanwhile, everyone around you says you're a "good friend," a "good mom" and you "work hard" and that they love you for "always being there." In fact, whenever they hear that someone needs something done, they'll send them to you to do it for them, too!

That's quite beautiful on one hand to be so connected, involved and loved, however sometimes being so over-committed can catch up with you.

Your health and self-care are the first to go. Suddenly you've found that you're exhausted all the time, and you're not sleeping at night because you just can't turn off your mind.

Thoughts are racing through your head late at night when you should be sound asleep about the next thing that you "have to do" or "has to get done" around the house, at the office, or for so-in-so up the street, etc.

To stay organized and create some sense of order, you write up lists on sticky notes and pieces of paper and revel in the juiceyfulness of CROSSING OUT tasks when you finish them. YES!

And sometimes, when no one's looking... you'll even add a few tasks on to your existing lists just so you can cross them out immediately and feel EVEN MORE accomplished...

Is this sounding familiar yet? Maybe I'm the only one. 😉

Believe it or not, being addicted to solving other people's problems is actually a form of controlling and avoidant behavior.

Here's how it goes: if you can crowd your life with other people's issues and opinions, you can

1) "have a hand in" (read: "control") part of their lives, and that will make you feel personally significant--even if that significance is temporary and externally determined or artificial, and

2) you can also avoid confronting and healing your own internal insecurities and deep-seated emotional wounds, because you're too busy dealing with other people's stuff.

Having a Savior Complex therefore is an emotional Get-Out-Of-Jail-FREE Card! YAY!

Now, I'm not saying you should never help people and turn into a selfish, angry hermit crab. No.

However you should learn to honor YOURSELF and YOUR NEEDS when making a decision to lend a hand or get involved with others' projects.

You see, you don't have to save everybody who comes across your path.

Read any comic book or watch any movie about superheros, and that's one of the biggest lessons they have to learn too--you can't save everybody. It's about teamwork AND facing your own inner demons in the process, too.

One way you can combat overwhelm or caregiver's fatigue is by studying and practicing using a magickal two-letter word: "No."

You actually already say No now, while you're saying Yes--internally, that is.

Know this: Saying NO to you is saying YES to me. #selfcare #boundaries #love

Ever had the experience of your boss or a client or someone asking you to do something, and you said "Yes" out loud, but you felt uncomfortable in your body while doing it?

THAT is an example of when your Yes really means NO.

You see, your body never lies. And your emotions express themselves constantly to you through the sensations of your body through what is called your "gut feelings" or "listening to your heart"--notice the bodily organs: heart, gut.

Where we get lost is when we tune to and value other people's feelings moreso than our own--our own point of view gets lost in the sauce.

The "sauce" of empathic overwhelm, that is. And that's when our mind-body sponge becomes saturated by other's thoughts and feelings so much that we can't hear our own anymore.

Most people describe empathic overwhelm as "I need to get rid of all this negativity" or "I need clarity" or "I'm just so stressed out, I can't think straight" -- it's all the same.

Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows us what's the spiritual reason for WHY you're saying "yes" when you really mean "NO!"

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Notice if you are aware of your needs and how you feel the next time someone asks you to do something today. You are nobody's servant and nobody's slave.

When someone asks you to do something today (that isn't about a life-threatening situation), buy yourself some time to check in with yourself and say "Let me see. I'll get back to you on that." And set a time later on, after you've tuned in to YOUR schedule, needs and feelings, to update them...

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want to stop being a doormat but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give me a call at 732-903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | When Your Yes Means NO appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Convinced you can't meditate?

Have you tried and tried, but just can't seem to quiet your mind or focus at all?

Wondering what's the point to this "meditation thing" anyway?

Meditation is a powerful practice that can attract abundance of all kinds into your life very quickly.

And although you may think you can't meditate, chances are that you're already meditating and just haven't realized it yet.

Watch the above video to learn how easy it is to meditate and understand exactly why it's a crucial daily practice for increasing your spiritual health!

More Love and More Money - Video Series on Increasing Authentic Abundance

"Oh, I should do that more often."

That's the typical response I get when I tell people I teach meditation. Sound familiar? 😉

And whenever I inevitably ask them why they don't meditate, people say they can't or think they're not good at it because they can't completely and utterly shut off their mind.

So they get this idea that it's impossible, and they give up. But what if I told you that you're meditating already and are just unaware of it? To understand that, let's redefine what "meditation" actually is --

Meditation is anything that puts you in a state of flow.

It's anything that makes you feel focused, "in the zone" or "on a roll." And when you're in this state, you're very present to what you're doing, so much that time tends to bend: flying by or standing still.

That also means there are positive and negative forms of meditation, however. For example, a positive physical form of meditation is running, and a negative physical form of meditation is binge eating.

Intention, therefore, is everything!

If you have no intention, then you're mindlessly meditating, usually for entertainment or to escape, such as with channel-surfing, binge eating or endless facebooking. This is negative meditation. The global casino uk industry has shot past Hollywood to become the fourth biggest entertainment market in the world, behind gambling, reading and TV.

Sure, you're definitely "in the zone" while doing these activities, but they're not constructive or healing for you, so all I'm asking is for you to start asking yourself, "what's my intention right now?" or "what is my outcome?" the next time you notice you're in the zone.

The more you recognize moments of flow, the more you'll realize you are already unconsciously meditating nearly all day long.

The next logical step then is to start meditating consciously and on purpose, with purpose.

Intentional, conscious meditation can heal your life and attract abundance of all kinds to you, but only if abundance or healing is your intention for your meditation time. An example of this would be to spend 10 minutes with the intention of focusing only on what feeling abundant feels like to you.

Depending on your personality type, you may prefer stationary (seated, laying down) or dynamic (moving, like walking or yoga, etc.) meditation -- neither one is better or more correct than the other universally, because it depends on preference. Are you able to focus and flow better while seated or while moving around?

Know this: If you can read this, then you are meditating right now. No, really! #MLMM #BK2YS

Okay, so if you're a smart cookie you may be asking yourself at this point: "well, if I'm meditating all day already, why should I care about practicing meditation consciously?"

Here's where it gets good. If meditation was only about honing your ability to focus, then yeah, you don't really have to care much about practicing it on a regular basis. Sure, the ability to focus is very important, but it's not something your heart longs for, and because of that, you won't stick to it.

The real reason why you meditate isn't to sharpen your ability to focus, it's actually to sharpen your ability to TRUST.

Trust is the #1 thing that is destroyed in adulthood. It's absence eats away at our soul, our vitality and our sense of "aliveness."

What if I told you that meditation was the vehicle for rebuilding your trust in yourself, in Spirit and in others -- then how would you feel? Carries a lot more energy, right?

Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows exactly WHY your ability to Trust has been broken and what to do about it!

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

The next time you feel you're "in the zone" or flowing, acknowledge how you're meditating in that moment.

Then ask yourself "what is my intention right now?" and feel the clarity increase within you.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want to learn to meditate so you can attract more abundance?

Give me a call at 732-903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | How to Meditate and Why You Should #MLMM appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Frustrated with your weight and dislike how you look in the mirror?

Struggling to keep to a diet and exercise routine, but do you find yourself getting nowhere or starting strong and petering out?

Wish someone could just show you what's wrong with you?

This week's video is an intimate look into how I personally lost 30 pounds and kept the weight off.

And no, the it's not about diet OR exercise...

Know this: Weight loss? It's not about pounds on the scale. Never has been, never will be. It's about learning to Love yourself enough to BE your true self. #H2LYS

Back in 2012 I began my weight loss journey. Yes, 2012, the year when the year was supposed to end and all that good stuff! For me, I experienced a shift in my consciousness that catapulted a new relationship with my body.

You see, I have struggled with my weight all my life - it's been up and down and back again. At that time I had been the heaviest I've ever been, 160 pounds on my 5'3" frame, and I was tired, bloated and wondering what's wrong with me.

Spoiler: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

What inspired me to look beyond comparing myself to others (friends, magazines, blah blah blah) was 2 books in particular: "The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children" by Doreen Virtue and "The pH Miracle for Weight Loss" by Robert O. Young.

What Doreen's book helped me realize was that my emotional eating was not just "out of control" or a "problem" but moreover it was an unconscious but calculated habit to deal with being a highly sensitive individual.

Her work showed me how I was using food to shut down my sensitivity so I could cope with empathic overwhelm.

Robert's book continued to build on this, showing me the science of what happens when you put certain things in your body, and how you can communicate better with your body by clearing it out.

So for New Year's 2013, I began a 3-month psyllium husks cleanse, committed to detox from all the negative energy my body was holding so I can receive nutrients better and receive the gut feelings Spirit was sending me with greater clarity. (Email me if you want to know the exact cleanse at senseivictoriawhitfield@gmail.com).

But here's the thing - you need to know WHY I did this, moreso than the HOW.

The how gets boring, old and wears off with time, but if you have a WHY that is bigger than your desire to stay at a certain weight, you can make sustainable and lasting change. So here's why I did it:

I realized that I need to Love myself more.

That's just it.

Love.

I started to see inner self and my body as a defenseless baby crying for attention and in need of help. Rather than stuffing a baconator in her mouth to shut her up because she's to bloated and exhausted to cry any more, I decided to listen to her and tend to her cries.

It's about learning to listen with Love to yourself and your body. That means feeling and learning about how your body responds to different foods, exercise, behaviors, habits, environments and people you have in your life and that you expose it to. And taking action accordingly to protect and nurture her, as you would with a defenseless baby.

So that's how I did it.

The diet, the exercise, the programs, etc. were all an extension of my Big WHY.

Love. Following Love will always bring healing.

This Sunday, we will go more in depth at the Food Energywork: Enlightened Eating for Empaths Retreat.

But I want you to know that all you need to do is start with Loving yourself enough to BE your True Self. Rather than stuffing it down. Leave a comment below or send me an email back at senseivictoriawhitfield@gmail.com with what you think.

In Love and Light,

The post Love Letter: How I Lost 30 Pounds appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.