Have you ever felt helpless?

And did that experience warp your ability to trust yourself and others?

Concerned that you can't tell the difference between self-care and self-sabotage because of what happened to you?

Sometimes bad things happen to good people... I know.

Yet Source wants you to know that all things can - and do - work together to form greater good in our lives.

Watch this week's 11-minute Love Letter to hear my story of overcoming a very dark time in my life and how I healed from cycles of self-sabotage to embracing a lifestyle of self-care and healing.

"I only smoke because it helps me cool off."

We're continuing the series, sourced this time around has asked to continue you and I building a deeper relationship and a deeper understanding about certain concepts that come up in our spiritual lives.

This series is going to be a five week series around the dark side of self-care. Woohoo. I'm so excited.

I am so excited to bring you to the dark side of self-care. What that basically looks like is self-sabotage.

Now this first week in particular the guides have asked me to share more of my story.

I just finished a session with a new client. I'm so excited for her. It's amazing what inspires people to begin their healing journey. She's beginning a new six month healing journey, Sojourner healing journey, which means she's coming in for an hour, a private hour a month for me. She also gets unlimited meditation classes here at the dojo.

It's so interesting to hear people's stories of what inspires them to begin to heal. What motivates you to really begin healing.

It was just fascinating sharing with her some of my story of what caused me to get into all of this in the first place.

Believe it or not, it comes from actually my pain.

Simon Sinek, very beautifully says that your big why comes from your pain more often than not.

For me, it was a series of three breakups that caused me to break open. The first one was someone that I thought I was going to be with. The whole soulmate situation that you think you have and then turns out sleeping with your coworker and calls you on your wedding day to ask how are you? One.

Two, the next one broke me open again because of the color of my skin. He had decided that we couldn't be together because of the color of my skin. That also compounded my perspective.

Then unfortunately the third one that really broke me open was when I got date raped. Yes, I'm sharing that with you.

No, I'm not happy about what happened to me. I honor the fact that these were the events that grabbed my attention that something is not quite right.

Now maybe you grew up with a history of abuse or maybe you grew up with alcoholic parents or that sort of a thing.

Something happened in our lives that forced us to take a stand and say, "Wait a minute. I don't like this. I don't like this." Right?

It's those moments where you put your foot down and say, "No more. I'm not going to be beaten anymore" or, "I'm not going to select people who would do these kinds of things to me anymore."

One of my first spiritual teachers her question to me, that changed my life, was: "what is the pattern in you that's creating this situation?"

This is where we get into our five week deep dive around self-sabotage.

When I look back into those dark times in my life where I would have suicidal thoughts and would be sleeping at around 22 hours a day, only getting up to go to the bathroom and have a sip of water, trying to escape, escape, escape there were things that I was doing to self-soothe that within my compressed mindset I thought were good for me.

When you have a compressed, like as in a really limited mindset, bad stuff you can't really tell that that's bad for you.

Some of the ways that I used to self-soothe but actually turned out being self-sabotage ... Well, one it was the constant sleeping. Also, I used to chain-smoke Clove cigarettes, the black ones. Like talk about breathing death. Emotional stuffing. I used to live on Twix and Chex-Mix and nothing else except for Captain Morgan's spiced rum and Malibu coconut rum. I remember. I'm so happy that I'm sober now.

There's these things that, "I'll just have a drink so that I can soothe" or escape, get rid of this negativity, or, "Let me go have a smoke. Let me cool off." Or, "Let me just check out." There's so many things that we do to soothe ourselves that within a limited and a compressed point of view feel pleasurable and we interpret them as good even though they're working against us.

Now there was also another form of self-sabotage I would do at the time. I would work around 12 hours or so a day at a really, really toxic job. Like screaming bosses that were financial abusers as in dangling your pay check over your head in order to get you to do things that are completely outside of your principles.

Be kind to yourself if as I invoke the darker side of my story that this is resonating for you like, "Ooh, ooh, I still do some of that, Victoria" ... This is not to say like, "I'm good and you're bad." No.

I want you to know that I've been through some things and when I'm going to talk to you over the next few weeks around self-sabotage versus self-care there's some history there. I'm only tapping on the tip of the iceberg here with respect to your energy.

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Know this: Be kind to yourself. What motivates great healing is usually great pain.

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My story is my story and it's made me who I am. Here's the light in the darkness is that when you start self-soothing you can choose to raise the vibration of the forms of self-soothing that you do.

For example, I remember even when I was still chain-smoking I started learning more about crystals and oracle cards. "Well, you know, maybe this will help me feel better." It was something positive about these cards or I feel the energy when I'm holding this crystal. I don't know what the heck it is. I'm going to get into that in the next few weeks.

That was the turning point. It was following things that brought me joy and uplifted me in the self-soothing cycle. It's natural.

I want you to know this and watch this in yourself this week.

Watch the way that you soothe yourself, whether it's positive or negative. Just notice how do you soothe yourself when you're feeling bored, when you're feeling depressed, empty, anxious, angry, unacknowledged, lonely, et cetera. How do you soothe yourself? It is positive things? Or negative?

Most of us have a mixture of both. By the way, at the filming of this video I still have some not so good things, such as eating chocolate and ice cream, that is harmful against my body. As well as doing hours of meditation, grounding out in nature, doing reiki. I have a mixture.

This is called being human. I want us to have a deep dive now for the next five weeks around honoring that self-care versus self-sabotage dance that we're all doing.

I know that you're doing it. If you clicked play on this video chances are you're a natural empath. You're already sensitive to the energy and trying to figure out how to cope with all this energetic overload. We're going to confront this head-on.

We're going to dive deep together. I can't wait to see you next week and hear what you think.

Comment below. Tell me what's coming up for you around this.

Do you have a story that you wanted to share, by the way? Did my story bring up some of yours? I would love to witness you in sharing your story, privately, just to honor you. We don't want to post all that out in social media and all over the place.

Send me an email back and let me know and I'd be happy to set up a share your story call so that we can hold space for you speaking your truth for the first time.

I know it's tough. I feel you but we're going to get through this together.

Are you ready for this? Five weeks. Five weeks. Let's do this. Self-care versus self-sabotage. Going to the dark side. Whoop, whoop. Shining light so that we can all grow together. I'm sending you so much love and I'll see you next week. Bye.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Watch the way that you soothe yourself.

Track what you do to soothe negative feelings, to observe if it’s positive self-care or negative self-sabotage behavior..

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

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Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business.

Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen.

Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...

The post Love Letters | Self Care vs. Self Sabotage – Part 1 of 5 appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Scared to ask for help?

Struggling to hold it all together on your own?

Feeling like you're headed for burnout?

Feeling resistant to making a change because it's outside your comfort zone?

Strong, independent go-getters like you and I have learned over time to rely on ourselves to get the job done, and done well.

Yet, there comes a time in life where in order to get what we really want, we have to open up and receive help – so where do you start?

Watch this week's 12-minute Love Letter video to find out exactly what you need to do to turn your situation around!

"I don't want to be a burden."

As a holistic stress management expert and spiritual teacher, it's a really interesting line of work.

I get all kinds of reactions and all kinds of stories from people, when they encounter who I am and what I do.

I support visionary entrepreneurs like yourself, and creative people just like you, in creating a life that they love by harnessing their natural intuition, so that they feel more centered and grounded as they get out there and share their gifts.

And from time to time, that means speaking to people who don't quite get it, or encountering people who love, and need, and desire support in that realm.

They need the one-on-one, or the group spiritual support sessions that I provide. They'll need it, but then they'll resist it, and then they'll throw their resistance, they'll "hot potato" that on me. Right?

Here's the thing. This week in particular, the guides are telling you what they've told me for many years, and that's take a risk. Risky requests.

This week in particular, your visionary challenge is to take a risk by making a risky request.

Now what does that look like? That basically looks like inviting someone in to support you, to affirm you, or to join you, or to help you out, etc, making a risky request.

If you are watching this, chances are very, very likely that you are a natural healer, supportive caregiver, someone who's highly sensitive, and wants everybody else to feel happy, healthy, loved, supported, etc.

You care so much that you take strong, deep responsibility for making sure that everyone around you is well taken care of, except for you.

Correct me if I'm wrong, maybe I'm off-base. Maybe this one isn't for you. Maybe you're amazing at making requests, and that's wonderful.

But to the rest of us watching this Love Letter video, or reading through it, or listening to the recording, etc, we could all use a little bit more practice asking for what we desire, asking for what we need, and asking for support.

So this week in particular, the guides are challenging you to make a risky request. All right?

What would that look like for you? What could you never ask for? Oh, like:

• • "I could never ask my husband to massage my shoulders, no way. No, no, no, no,"

• • "I could never ask for a little bit more time off from my boss. No, no, no, no,"

• • "I could never ask that beautiful person out on a date. No, no, no, no,"

• • "I could never ask for my own one-on-one session with Victoria. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not worth it."

• • "I don't want to interrupt her,"

• • "I don't want to interrupt him."

• • "I don't want to be a burden."

• "I don't want to take up space."

What? Ooh, look at all of those excuses, and all of that resistance that just comes flying out of us.

Requests that are effective, that are really meant for you to move to your next level, in life and in business, usually feel a little bit risky. There's a flutter of vulnerability, because you're risking rejection.

What's the worst thing that could happen, though? They could say no. And guess what?

There's another seven billion people on the planet. You've got that many more opportunities to find the person, the organization, the venue, the space, the time, etc, who can fulfill what it is that you need and desire.

So what's your risky request? Is it for more time off? Is it for a sick day? Is it for flowers? Is it for a compliment and an affirmation?

I want to hear it. Type in the comments below or send me an email back at senseivictoriawhitfield@gmail.com. I want to hear your risky request, but I dare you to share it publicly.

Know this: Quantum leaps in life and business require you to take a risk.

Mine's coming, but first I hear the Oracle cards calling in the energy.

And talk about risk, Angel Answers, by Doreen Virtue. This is the yes/no deck.

So you ready to play a little bit of Russian roulette? Let's go. This deck is similar to the old Magic 8-Ball thing, where you'd shake it and ask a yes/no, binary type question, and it would say Yes, No, Maybe, Ask Again Later. I always got the Ask Again Later, what about you? Oh my gosh.

Angels, what do we need to know right now? Should we ask a risky question this week? Can we ask a risky question this week?

You know there's nos, there's two nos, actually, and two yeses in this deck in particular.

Can we ask a risky question this week? What do we need to know right now? This is so good. You ready? Compromise.

Compromise, and this is so beautiful. Look at, there's the two hands, the higher self and the lower self. Ooh, they just told me to read. I'll give you the channeling that I'm hearing first, though.

The guides say, "When you ask, remember that it's not your way or the highway. It could be what you ask for, or something even better. Let your risky ask be of mutual benefit. Ask in a way that pleasures you as well as the person that you are requesting for." What would that look like?

Also, asking from a space of pleasure and abundance versus asking from a place of, "Arrgh, you're not going to even answer my request anyway, so I'm just doing this homework because Victoria told me to." Don't do that. Compromise.

Also, the guides turned this upside down and said, "Be careful how much you compromise your boundaries in order to meet others' requests. Remember, you have needs and desires too."

Here it is, "In order to create a happy outcome for this situation, you will find it necessary to compromise. Allow yourself some time to become clear about what is truly important to you."

Some of you may be thinking, "Well Victoria, I don't know what to ask for."

Okay, don't jump to it. Take some time to reflect about what you want, or what you would ask for that feels a little bit, "Ooh, I can't ask that."

"Also take note of matters where you would be open to changing your position. Work toward an agreement where everyone wins." Same as the channeling. Beautiful. "Be open to cooperation that would allow you to get what you need while also assisting others in fulfilling their desires." Is this beautiful or what? "Be objective about finding a balance between respecting everyone else's viewpoints and still being true to your own."

So good, and this is where we're going to leave off.

Your risky ask is actually a blessing. So be kind to yourself. And share what that desire is, because it could very well, and it can very easily, bless the other person. By them getting to serve and support you, it gives them an opportunity to show you love.

Here's my risky ask, by the way. If you could, please send me a comment back or an email below. In what way have I touched you? Maybe it was in this video. Maybe it's been over the years. Maybe in a group experience, or maybe in one of your private sessions.

As someone who's out and sharing, sharing, sharing abundantly, and it's my joy to share, sometimes I wonder, "Have I ever touched anyone, or really helped them?"

I can tell you, this is a risky ask because I feel a bit of emotion flutter, like, "I wonder." Right? Even I wonder, I'm not perfect.

So if you want to return a little bit of the love received, please send me an email back or comment below, and let me know what has been my effect on you, whether right now or in the past, et cetera.

And if you're very new to my work, what do you see me doing in the future? I'd love to hear that. Okay?

I don't know if anyone's going to answer that, but I'm trusting and putting it out there, and I'm open to receiving your love, support, and affirmation. I'm sending you so much love, regardless.

Muah, make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your Love Letters first every week. All right, we'll see you soon. Bye.

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Make a risky request.

Go out on a limb and ask for something you normally wouldn't or worry would "bothersome" just to see what happens.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want spiritual support on your healing journey but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Click the grey button below to book your complimentary 30-minute Share Your Story Call  to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | Take A Risk appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.