Are you, or is someone you know, a workaholic?

Worried that if you say "no" when people who ask for help, that you'll be mean or they won't like you?

Drowning in projects and things to manage, at work AND at home?

It's easier to just give in and say "yes" and be seen as helpful, than to stand your ground and say "no" and be seen as possibly selfish.

But when we do that, we add another project on to our already overwhelmed plate of "helpfulness" - perhaps this is more than just being helpful, perhaps it's now an addiction.

Watch this week's 15-minute love letter for the fifth and final installment in our 5-week deep dive on self care versus self sabotage to send healing to our relationship with (personal and professional) help-a-holism.

"I never feel like I'm doing enough."

We've been on a five-week-long deep dive into the dance that we empaths do between self-care and self-sabotage. All the different ways that we stand in the way of shining our light to our fullest potential. I'm really grateful. I just want to thank you for tuning in for week five.

I want to thank you for all your support over the years, of the love letters, my gosh. What? We're going on four or five years straight of love letters. I just want to thank you for your continued support.

This week in particular, we're going to focus on self-sabotage around workaholism and help-a-holism, fix-a-holism. Helping, and fixing, and putting out all the fires, and working all the limbs all day. Those of us who are highly sensitive individuals who are naturally empathic, who are naturally intuitive. Last week we discovered your call to be a healer, your call to healing leadership. You're sensitive for that reason.

But this week is the dark side of that, where you can be so driven to help, and to fix, and to take care give, and to take responsibility; but you lose yourself. Not only lose yourself, you may even hurt yourself.  Be kind yourself, if this is you. This last one, baby, is for you. This is our swan song, yes?

Workaholism, guides say that the soul craving behind that, or that the hidden feeling driver behind helping everybody, and fixing everything, and working constantly. The addiction to work, and projecting.

Not just projecting stuff, we're projecting people, like in your relationships, yes, yes? Maybe this isn't you, maybe we're talking about somebody else. We can pretend.

But, maybe let that obsession with being everybody's caregiver, taking care of everybody and everything. What's the hidden driver behind that?

And the guides say that it is the feeling of, "I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I am good when I am doing. I am only good when I am doing."

Doing good, doing stuff for other people, pleasing others, when I'm gaining approval. Yes, yes? When I'm gaining recognition, I am worthy based on my output ... which is faulty.

Yes, it is good to do good things and to help others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be helping other people, and that you should be like, "All right, screw you all, I'm going home." Right? Pulling a Cartman. No, that's not what we're talking about here.

As much as that sounds fabulous to one of you ... I just heard someone in the energies saying, "I want to tell everyone, 'Go away.'" If that's you ... Bear with me, we're going to make it through this.

But, what's also coming up behind that, as your working, working, working and saying yes to everything; the flipside is the fear of saying, "no." Our lack of boundaries is fueling this relentless need for approval and affirmation. In the workplace, or in the eyes of someone that you helped, or getting to see their transformation so you feel worthy, because they had an outcome or you had an impact on them.

What happens, however, when there's nothing to do, no one to save, nothing to fix? The big question is, are you still worthy? Are you still lovable? Are you still acceptable? Are you still good? Are you still okay, as a person if you don't have something to do, something to do, something to do? This is a big one. When we have this addiction, this also expresses as a lack of boundaries.

What are boundaries? This is the million-dollar word for every single empath like, ever: boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines that separate what is you and what is not you; what is yours and what is not yours.

Now, from a spiritual perspective, yes, there is the universal law of oneness, which says, "All that is, is one." But that doesn't mean you have to do everything all the time, or that everything that's yours belongs to everybody else, or that you don't have any selfness. You don't have a worth because you don't have a self.

No. That's not what that is saying. Instead, that's just to appreciate the interconnectedness and interdependence of all of life, and all that is. However, we're talking about this turning into co dependence. Codependency is when you depend on someone or something outside of you for a sense of emotional security, to give you your emotional security, or even your identity. You're depending on them.

Click to share the Tweet of the Week:

Know this: Codependents need to DO stuff to feel worthy. Who are you without your projects?

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Workaholism, for example, my dad was a lawyer, I'm a lawyer, my kids are going to be a lawyer. If I ever lose this job, I don't know what I'm gonna do; where your job defines your personality. That's a codependent relationship. That means that you are at risk of losing yourself if that thing shifts at all. You've given all your power over to the thing that you are dependent upon.

Be kind to yourself if this is speaking to you. I don't know who this message is for, but I'm sharing it anyway, following spirit's guidance. With that, also, where we have the sense of addiction to getting things done and putting out fires, putting out fires putting out fires. Whenever we put out a fire, we get that little bit of, "Yay, I did it." And that, "Yay," is what we're addicted to, of winning and the feedback loop of, "I'm putting out and I'm receiving, putting out and I'm receiving."

That's why so many men end up becoming not present at home, because the job is what gives them recognition and affirmation constantly, and you come home to a wife that is just not paying attention, and not able to give you that feedback. It is, unfortunately, natural to become addicted more to work, where you're recognized, and you feel like you have an impact in the relationship more with your job than your own partner. Scary.

That happens to women, too, I'm not just talking about men, okay. I hear my guide saying, "This happens to the ladies, too," where work or the kids become more important than their partner, because there's something to work on. There's always something. The mom-ness becomes the identity rather than yourself being your identity, becoming codependent to the children.

Be kind to yourself if this is you. Now, this week in particular, the guides are saying, "How do we get out of this?" This addiction to working and losing ourself without our boundaries. Well, is to have values. This week in particular, you want to focus on writing out a list of what your core, desired feelings and your most prioritized values are in life. Allow your schedule to be according to what you prioritize most, what you value the most.

First things first, as they say. I believe that's in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Put first things first. Is family really important to you? If so, where is family in your schedule? This week, we want to put, "What are your core desired feelings?" I want to feel free, I want to feel abundant, I want to feel loved, I want to feel sensual. Where are those feelings in how you spend your time each day? Rather than letting the thing that you are co dependently addicted to, such as the work or the caregiving, et cetera rather than letting only that determine how you spend your time.

This is going to shift your relationship with your workaholism. Your addiction is going shift. If you can just get clear on, "What are your core, desired feelings, and what are your most prioritized values?"

We forget, we're in that tunnel of, "I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff, I'm doing stuff. I'm so productive, I'm so busy. I'm doing all this busy stuff." There's a difference between being busy and actually being in business. There's a difference between being busy and actually being focused.

This, our core, desired feelings and our most prioritized values are what are going to help us clarify that. To end, Doreen Virtue, Angel Therapy; yet another one of our Doreen Virtue decks. Angels, what we need to know this week? To round off our five-week deep dive into the dance between self sabotage and self care. "Listen to your intuitive feelings."

Listen to your intuitive feelings. Your body is receiving accurate messages from the divine. This is perfect, given what we're talking about.

One of the main reasons why we can get stuck in, or create stuck-ness in a codependent, workaholic, fixaholic relationship is because we'll drown out the sensations of our body. We're not in touch. We're not in touch with ... "Oh, my neck is starting to hurt because it's 10:00 PM and I'm still at work."

We'll just keep going, going, going. Or, you know what? I actually ... I'm not really hungry for that extra candy bar, as we talked ... The second week was food. I'm not actually hungry for that chocolate candy bar. Actually, I'm craving love and affection.

Instead of shoving a chocolate candy bar down my throat so I can stay working at the computer all the livelong day, instead I'm going to reach out to receive some physical touch, or love and affection from a loved one. Listen to your feelings.

Your sensitivity is your strength here, and it's the gateway to your next level in life. Send me an email back, comment below. Let me know what's coming up for you around this, and how has this series been for you?

Are you liking the multi-week deep dives? Let me know, let me know.

Source has been telling me that you and I have got to develop a deeper relationship, and go deeper into the information, rather than just doing one idea a week. Nah, let's go there. Let's go there together, okay?

Make sure you subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters every week, and I'll see you next time. Muah, bye

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Put first things, first.

Write a list of your core values and core desired feelings, and see if you're spending your time each day accordingly.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

-

Hello there. I am Sensei Victoria Whitfield, your business reiki master. And it's my joy to get to support empathic entrepreneurs and business owners like you in getting and staying grounded and clear in mind, body and business.

Welcome back to another installment of your weekly love letter from the dojo at naturalintuition.com and victoriawhitfield.com, my blog. These are your sources for channeled holistic stress management techniques and guidance for developing your natural intuition. Whether you're looking to improve the quality of your personal and professional life, let this love letter be your reminder that you are not alone and that together we can make that happen.

Let's schedule a chat, and see how I can help you...

The post Love Letters | Busy-ness Self Sabotage – Part 5 of 5 appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Are you really good at talking yourself out of things?

Have you successfully mastered the fine arts of procrastination and self-sabotage?

Getting ready to turn down a golden opportunity because it just seems "impossible"?

Telling yourself that you can't do something both stems from and feeds insecurity.

Not only that, but we also say we can't to avoid hard work and risk for fear of failure -- even if it could pay off really big.

Watch this week's 9-minute Love Letter video to say "yes!" and give yourself permission to go for it!

"I can't afford that."

This week, Source wants you to know, Yes you can. Yes you can.

I don't know who this is for, I don't know why you need to hear this, but there's something that's been developing lately and you've been talking yourself out of it.

In fact, the guides have brought you to this video, in particular, because you have a habit of talking yourself out of things. Things that could be very beneficial for you, things that could recoup your energy in a big way, that could help you to receive more abundance of health, love, wealth, whatever it may be.

Friendship, on a whole new level, but you talk yourself out of it. "I know I'd really love to make that trip this weekend but I can't because my husband and my kids and my clients and my dog and my foot and my ..." All of that that comes before why you can't.

"I would really like to talk to her, she's so beautiful, she seems so interesting. I would really like to just get to know her a little bit better, but I can't because I'm too fat, I'm too short, I'm too ugly, my face is strange, my tooth and my pinkie and my bank account and..."

No.

When you sabotage yourself like that, you immediately lob off the amount of opportunity and possibility the Source is capable of giving to you at any given moment.

If possibility, if opportunity is being given to you, if it's in front of you, if it's occurring to you, if you're having that idea, it's on purpose. You wouldn't have access to that, if you weren't worthy. You wouldn't have access to that idea, that opportunity or that possibility, if you weren't capable of handling it somehow.

Know this: You wouldn't have access to that idea or vision if you weren't able to realize it. #mindset @SenseiWhitfield

The how, is up to ... We could say up to God, up to the universe, up to goddess, the angels, however you want to say. It's up to the flow of nature.

How will arrive. It's up to you to have the right mindset that brings you into alignment with going for it, by saying, Yes I can.

You know the Nutty Professor? The one with Eddie Murphy. Yeah. He's like, "Yes I can." Sometimes you're so scared you have to amp yourself up, and that's reprogramming. Yes you can.

Yes you can, stop saying that you can't.

Stop saying, "Oh I can't afford that." Yes you can. "I can't have a happy marriage." Yes you can. "I can't have kids that respect me." Yes you can. "I can't have a successful business." Yes you can. "I can't ever be happy." Yes you can. "I can't ever be healthy." Yes you can.

This week in particular, I'm not sure why but Source wants you to know, that: yes, you can. You have permission and they're taking me to the Oracle cards.

For this week in particular is, Daily Guidance from the Angels. Another Doreen Virtue deck.

What do we need to know angels? Creative project.

Look at the picture. All the angels are around her with that incredible vortex of energy. Creative project.

Your soul longs to express itself in creative ways. We are guiding you to infuse artistry and creativity into your life. Creative expression makes you feel alive and excited and reignites passion toward your life.

This is where we're going to leave off. Whenever you talk yourself our of it, you are putting limits and limitations on your creativity.

Your spirit is naturally creative. Creativity is your birth right, and I'm not talking about drawing a house or a portrait.

I'm talking about the ability to make happen and create a life that you love. I'm talking about that kind of creativity.

Whenever you talk yourself out of it, say no I can't, you're putting limitations on yourself. Limitations on your spirit, limitations on your ability to grow and engage and experience life.

If only just for now, or only just for this week, I double dare you to say, Yes I can. Specially when you start talking about, I can't because... Yes I can or, as one of my mentors Fabienne Frederickson says, how can I. I love that she encourages me to ask myself that question. How can I do this versus I can't.

Comment below, send me and email back.

What do you think you can't do? I want to hear that. What do you want guidance on, because that's the reason why you're suppose to comment back and send me and email below so that I can send you whatever the spirits say.

I'm happy to do it. All over social media, that's what it's there for. Let's connect.

Subscribe on YouTube so that you get your love letters first every week.

Until next time, Yes you can. Say it, say it with me. Yes I can.

Okay. Sending you so much love and bye.

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Tell yourself that you CAN do something you would normally say that you can't do.

Get creative and describe to yourself out loud an alternate reality where you actually could do it.

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want spiritual support on your healing journey but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give us a call at +1 (732) 903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | Yes You Can appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.

Do you have a hard time saying "no" to people?

Always end up kicking yourself afterward, because you're too quick to say "yes" when others ask you if you can do something for them?

Wondering why you have trouble knowing and respecting your own boundaries?

Chronic people-pleasing behavior comes from our core human desires for significance and approval.

It's natural to want to feel significant and approved of, but it's a whole other can of wormy worms when you're dependent on others to feel emotionally secure.

Watch the above video to embrace the fact that your yes actually means no sometimes, and what to do about it!

"Can you do this for me? -- YEAH SURE!"

It's like a knee-jerk reaction.

The YES! comes flying out before you can check your schedule, before you have considered your current workload and commitments, and before you can even blink.

And we wonder why we feel so overwhelmed lately...

All of a sudden your workday is jampacked, you're wearing 5 hats in the office, and then when you get home you're putting out fires, going to parties with people you're not really interested in to keep up appearances of being "social" and "normal," the dishes and laundry are piling up, your socks have holes in them and your shoes and underpants are falling apart....

Meanwhile, everyone around you says you're a "good friend," a "good mom" and you "work hard" and that they love you for "always being there." In fact, whenever they hear that someone needs something done, they'll send them to you to do it for them, too!

That's quite beautiful on one hand to be so connected, involved and loved, however sometimes being so over-committed can catch up with you.

Your health and self-care are the first to go. Suddenly you've found that you're exhausted all the time, and you're not sleeping at night because you just can't turn off your mind.

Thoughts are racing through your head late at night when you should be sound asleep about the next thing that you "have to do" or "has to get done" around the house, at the office, or for so-in-so up the street, etc.

To stay organized and create some sense of order, you write up lists on sticky notes and pieces of paper and revel in the juiceyfulness of CROSSING OUT tasks when you finish them. YES!

And sometimes, when no one's looking... you'll even add a few tasks on to your existing lists just so you can cross them out immediately and feel EVEN MORE accomplished...

Is this sounding familiar yet? Maybe I'm the only one. 😉

Believe it or not, being addicted to solving other people's problems is actually a form of controlling and avoidant behavior.

Here's how it goes: if you can crowd your life with other people's issues and opinions, you can

1) "have a hand in" (read: "control") part of their lives, and that will make you feel personally significant--even if that significance is temporary and externally determined or artificial, and

2) you can also avoid confronting and healing your own internal insecurities and deep-seated emotional wounds, because you're too busy dealing with other people's stuff.

Having a Savior Complex therefore is an emotional Get-Out-Of-Jail-FREE Card! YAY!

Now, I'm not saying you should never help people and turn into a selfish, angry hermit crab. No.

However you should learn to honor YOURSELF and YOUR NEEDS when making a decision to lend a hand or get involved with others' projects.

You see, you don't have to save everybody who comes across your path.

Read any comic book or watch any movie about superheros, and that's one of the biggest lessons they have to learn too--you can't save everybody. It's about teamwork AND facing your own inner demons in the process, too.

One way you can combat overwhelm or caregiver's fatigue is by studying and practicing using a magickal two-letter word: "No."

You actually already say No now, while you're saying Yes--internally, that is.

Know this: Saying NO to you is saying YES to me. #selfcare #boundaries #love

Ever had the experience of your boss or a client or someone asking you to do something, and you said "Yes" out loud, but you felt uncomfortable in your body while doing it?

THAT is an example of when your Yes really means NO.

You see, your body never lies. And your emotions express themselves constantly to you through the sensations of your body through what is called your "gut feelings" or "listening to your heart"--notice the bodily organs: heart, gut.

Where we get lost is when we tune to and value other people's feelings moreso than our own--our own point of view gets lost in the sauce.

The "sauce" of empathic overwhelm, that is. And that's when our mind-body sponge becomes saturated by other's thoughts and feelings so much that we can't hear our own anymore.

Most people describe empathic overwhelm as "I need to get rid of all this negativity" or "I need clarity" or "I'm just so stressed out, I can't think straight" -- it's all the same.

Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows us what's the spiritual reason for WHY you're saying "yes" when you really mean "NO!"

In Love and Light,

Victoria.

VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield

Just for Today...

Notice if you are aware of your needs and how you feel the next time someone asks you to do something today. You are nobody's servant and nobody's slave.

When someone asks you to do something today (that isn't about a life-threatening situation), buy yourself some time to check in with yourself and say "Let me see. I'll get back to you on that." And set a time later on, after you've tuned in to YOUR schedule, needs and feelings, to update them...

Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!

SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!

Want to stop being a doormat but don't know where to start? Tell me!

Give me a call at 732-903-8573 or click on the blue BOOK NOW button to start your healing journey, today!

The post Love Letters | When Your Yes Means NO appeared first on Sensei Victoria Whitfield.