Do you have a hard time saying "no" to people?
Always end up kicking yourself afterward, because you're too quick to say "yes" when others ask you if you can do something for them?
Wondering why you have trouble knowing and respecting your own boundaries?
Chronic people-pleasing behavior comes from our core human desires for significance and approval.
It's natural to want to feel significant and approved of, but it's a whole other can of wormy worms when you're dependent on others to feel emotionally secure.
Watch the above video to embrace the fact that your yes actually means no sometimes, and what to do about it!
"Can you do this for me? -- YEAH SURE!"
It's like a knee-jerk reaction.
The YES! comes flying out before you can check your schedule, before you have considered your current workload and commitments, and before you can even blink.
And we wonder why we feel so overwhelmed lately...
All of a sudden your workday is jampacked, you're wearing 5 hats in the office, and then when you get home you're putting out fires, going to parties with people you're not really interested in to keep up appearances of being "social" and "normal," the dishes and laundry are piling up, your socks have holes in them and your shoes and underpants are falling apart....
Meanwhile, everyone around you says you're a "good friend," a "good mom" and you "work hard" and that they love you for "always being there." In fact, whenever they hear that someone needs something done, they'll send them to you to do it for them, too!
That's quite beautiful on one hand to be so connected, involved and loved, however sometimes being so over-committed can catch up with you.
Your health and self-care are the first to go. Suddenly you've found that you're exhausted all the time, and you're not sleeping at night because you just can't turn off your mind.
Thoughts are racing through your head late at night when you should be sound asleep about the next thing that you "have to do" or "has to get done" around the house, at the office, or for so-in-so up the street, etc.
To stay organized and create some sense of order, you write up lists on sticky notes and pieces of paper and revel in the juiceyfulness of CROSSING OUT tasks when you finish them. YES!
And sometimes, when no one's looking... you'll even add a few tasks on to your existing lists just so you can cross them out immediately and feel EVEN MORE accomplished...
Is this sounding familiar yet? Maybe I'm the only one. 😉
Believe it or not, being addicted to solving other people's problems is actually a form of controlling and avoidant behavior.
Here's how it goes: if you can crowd your life with other people's issues and opinions, you can
1) "have a hand in" (read: "control") part of their lives, and that will make you feel personally significant--even if that significance is temporary and externally determined or artificial, and
2) you can also avoid confronting and healing your own internal insecurities and deep-seated emotional wounds, because you're too busy dealing with other people's stuff.
Having a Savior Complex therefore is an emotional Get-Out-Of-Jail-FREE Card! YAY!
Now, I'm not saying you should never help people and turn into a selfish, angry hermit crab. No.
However you should learn to honor YOURSELF and YOUR NEEDS when making a decision to lend a hand or get involved with others' projects.
You see, you don't have to save everybody who comes across your path.
Read any comic book or watch any movie about superheros, and that's one of the biggest lessons they have to learn too--you can't save everybody. It's about teamwork AND facing your own inner demons in the process, too.
One way you can combat overwhelm or caregiver's fatigue is by studying and practicing using a magickal two-letter word: "No."
You actually already say No now, while you're saying Yes--internally, that is.
Know this: Saying NO to you is saying YES to me. #selfcare #boundaries #love
Ever had the experience of your boss or a client or someone asking you to do something, and you said "Yes" out loud, but you felt uncomfortable in your body while doing it?
THAT is an example of when your Yes really means NO.
You see, your body never lies. And your emotions express themselves constantly to you through the sensations of your body through what is called your "gut feelings" or "listening to your heart"--notice the bodily organs: heart, gut.
Where we get lost is when we tune to and value other people's feelings moreso than our own--our own point of view gets lost in the sauce.
The "sauce" of empathic overwhelm, that is. And that's when our mind-body sponge becomes saturated by other's thoughts and feelings so much that we can't hear our own anymore.
Most people describe empathic overwhelm as "I need to get rid of all this negativity" or "I need clarity" or "I'm just so stressed out, I can't think straight" -- it's all the same.
Watch this week's video for the Oracle Card of the Week, which shows us what's the spiritual reason for WHY you're saying "yes" when you really mean "NO!"
In Love and Light,
Victoria.
VictoriaWhitfield.com
Facebook.com/SenseiVictoriaWhitfield
Just for Today...
Notice if you are aware of your needs and how you feel the next time someone asks you to do something today. You are nobody's servant and nobody's slave.
When someone asks you to do something today (that isn't about a life-threatening situation), buy yourself some time to check in with yourself and say "Let me see. I'll get back to you on that." And set a time later on, after you've tuned in to YOUR schedule, needs and feelings, to update them...
Notice how you feel at that moment - you're already healing!
SHARE THIS! You’d be surprised how many people you know right now are in desperate need of healing and could use this information to change their life. If you can read this, you know someone who needs this Love Letter!